Let's Celebrate

I walked into my mother's house during the December holidays exhausted from a long and irritating trip to the homeland and all I wanted to do was relieve my swollen feet and get out of my  clothes that reeked of brandy and  overnight body odour. It took me a second to take note, but the lounge I grew up in didn't look like the lounge I grew up in. We had been robbed! The couches I've always known were replaced by leather ones!

Earlier last year, my mother  decided to resign from her job of 18 years and the department she had dedicated 29 years to so that she could enjoy her home. One of the things she was advised to do with all her retirement money was to buy one big thing that would be a physical symbol of her emancipation - she decided to change our lounge suite for the first time in 29 years.

I stood in a tired amazed stupour staring at this room that was changed for the first time since I was born. I was suddenly in awe at how far we had come. For the first time in a long time, money was not a problem in my immediate family. My brother has a job he is happy in and I have the privellege of seeing him whenever I like. My mom is finally in a place in her life where she has most of the things I always wanted for her - And peace of mind. These are things I've always looked at with other families, things I have always longed for for my own family and for the first time, we were that family.

With the new year just beginning, people around me are setting goals; new things they want to accomplish, old habits they want to give up on, better people they want to be and all I want to do is celebrate.

I want to celebrate that this year, I turn 30 years old, my sister turns 21 and my mother turns 60! Those are important milestones! I want to celebrate our success as a family, where we come from and where we are. For us, this is not the year to self-improve, but rather to sit back and marvel at all that has happened over the years. We are trully blessed beyond what we could ever dream in abundance and in need.

Friends Forever!

There are different types of people that come in and out of our lives. There are those that leave because you outgrow each other and those that stay usually do so because you choose each other.

And then there  are those that walk in and stay by accident. Karolien is that friend. We played in bands together at university. We never really moved in the same circles, but we always got along relatively well. When university days came to an end, she was the last person I expected to still have in my life 5 years later. It started with daily google chat conversations when we both hated our jobs and lived for our google translate conversations that varied from French to German! In retrospect she really got me through those 15 months. We had an opportunity to catch up today; see each other again for the first time in years.

I walk away now so grateful to have her as a friend and grateful for such flukes in life. We don't always know who is best to have in our lives. It's nice to have certain people that we have no choice in having.

I Can't Get No Satisfaction

"Drink from that wishing well but may it never quench your thirst."

 I hate this concept because it encourages us to keep desiring more from our lives. But when you want more it's usually out of dissatisfaction with how your life is in the moment. It's the dissatisfaction that I hate. On the seventh day, God looked at everything he had made and said that is was good.He was satisfied. Sure, it was really the beginning of huge disasters that He knew were coming, but in that moment, He was satisfied. I don't want to be God (obviously) but I want to be able to look over my life and say the same thing. I want to be satisfied with the way things are in all the different aspects of my life and to make changes based on a desire to tweak what is already there. I am nowhere near this point because I feel there are too many big changes that I still need to make. I'd like my thirst to be quenched in that sense and the continued thirst to be about smaller things; things that will not leave me anxious because  I haven't changed them.

I hate discomfort. I hate constant change. I hate that I have not yet arrived where I'd like to be. I hate that I am constantly restless. Take that away and I think I will function better and enjoy my life a bit more than I am right now. I'm rambling again...

Sleep

I wrote this last year in an attempt to romanticise what has now become my nemesis. Every day I wake up in the wee hours of the morning - wide awake.

Sleep deprives me.
Thoughts crowding my head.
So many hours lay ahead.

Ahead. I thought I was moving ahead.
Now I'm five steps lagging.
Ahead is now actually behind...

What lays behind me, I'll one day say out loud.
Alternatively, I'll always hold it inside in hope that someday, I'll forget...

Forget. It's easy to forget what I mean to you.
Have I forgotten or have you just not told me yet?

Yet through it all, He sees it all, knows it all and will take me through it all
It's all for my deer feet.

An Open Letter

Dear Married Gym Instructer

I'm sorry I didn't respond positively to you rubbing my chin, smiling and winking at me flirtatiously. You may have chalked it down to me being too serious but hey, that's me.

Just because I am "too serious" though does not give you permission to ignore me in your classes. Please understand that I'm not trying to flirt with you to make up for the awkwardness you caused with your gesture.

Believe it or not, I go to gym so that I can tone my body and have a little fun. Yes, there is a rather fetching young man in my Monday spinning class but I promise I don't attend this class for him. In fact, in the last two weeks he has not been to that class and I still attend.

Because I rejected you that one time many months ago, I feel that your bruised ego could not and cannot handle my continuous attandance of your classes. That is not my problem. I don't attend for your amusement. Yes, you may look at my bum as I do your squats. I have no control over that and there are usually ten other women doing the same thing so I grin and bare it.

You being able to look and not touch is not my problem either. I hate that you can look and you hate that you can't touch so I guess we're even.

Do me a favour, though. When I have a problem during your class, it is your job to help me, not shrug your shoulders and watch the rest of the class in disregard. That will make me angry!

I have many things in my life that make me angry.  Sometimes it's plain and simple PMS but please do not make yourself one of them. I go to gym to let off a bit of steam, not to be sexually harrassed.

Yours sincerely
Disgruntled Gym Member

Me, Not New Girl

I wish my life was a serries. It takes 40 minutes to solve life's  problems and  it is done one problem at a time. I often feel like I'm swimming in many problems at once or rather one problem spills into another ( because my problems are in compartments, of course) and contaminates it. I watched an episode of New Girl this morning and that Jessica Day made a life changing decision in just 20 minutes and in the very next episode solved a sibling problem she had had in just one deep and meaningful conversation!

Serries have a nice way of tying sections of one's life up with a neat little bow while I, in real life,  go back and reopen that little box within a bigger box called my past and feast on its toxins all over again.

It's official. I need to spend less of my leisure time watching television because  it makes me set very unrealist expectations for myself and let's be honest, no teacher is as strange as Jessica Day!

An Ode to You, My Friend

Friends don't let friends struggle to get to the airport. They shrug their shoulders and say, "Sure, just make sure I don't forget to wake up at 5am to get you there. Sure, I'd love to keep your car and park it in my carport so it doesn't get damaged by the hail."

Friends don't let friends spend a weekend in the winelands without a winetasting adventure sending her back to the concrete jungle with a bottle of her own so she never forgets that there is more to the Cape than just its flat mountain. They dont let friends forget that one of the most important things in life is quality time spent talking, laughing, remembering a simpler time and marvelling at how sweet life has turned out to be.

Friends allow you into their intimate space. They won't let the most important day of their lives go by without you there to witness it and cry tears of joy at the beauty of those moments.

Friends don't let friends leave without a quick hello over a cup of tea, biscuits and a breakfast punch. A quick hello that results in a race to the boarding gate and a smile at the thought of the adventure that resembles theirs.

Friends don't let friends forget that any amount of time spent is a treasure as long as it is spent together. Friends don't let friends go through life unappreciated. They are true witnesses to your life. I salute you, my friends.