"Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering.” St. Augustine
I'm learning lately that we sell ourselves short. I mean think about it; Jesus died on the cross for our sins right? Which, to me, means that despite our contemptible behaiviour, he looked upon us with gentleness and love and willingly took up the punishment that was intended for us.Would it not then be safe to assume that there is no longer condemnation? We no longer need to punish ourselves or each other for our sins. All we need to do now is to come before him and seek forgiveness and it is ours. We need not flog ourselves because he took the flogging for us already.
This must be the freedom that the bible so often speaks about. Because of the cross, we should no longer look at ourselves through the eyes of the world, that so often critisises and shakes its head at us in displeasure, but rather through the filter of the blood of Jesus. Through this filter we are pure, we are blameless, we are his.
May we look at each other through the same filter. May we not rob ourselves or each other of the freedom that Christ so unconditionally gave. May we do away with the chains we bind ourselves and each other in and experience the freedom that comes with being a child of God.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Ode to Family
Two weeks ago, my new sister-in-law came to visit us for what we called "bonding time". The main objectives were to get to know her and to have her get to know us and also to get the traditional stuff underway. Ok, let me elaborate on the traditional stuff.
In our culture, when a girl marries into a family there are specific.... procedures that need to be done. First of all, the makoti (bride) is officially dressed by her sister-in-law (that's me) in an attire that sets her apart as the new bride.Her sister-in-law also gets to name the new makoti, because when she marries into a family she not only becomes part of them but she also brings certain qualities that will add onto the dynamics of the family. In giving her a name you are expressing the significance of having her as an addition to the family; you are speaking into the new life that lies ahead with this new family.
So I had the privellege as the eldest daughter at home of dressing our new makoti and giving her a name (mind you, my mom gave me a name to give to her and only told me afterwards that it was my job to come up with a name. thanks mom!). I also had to officially introduce her to the family by her new name - don't worry, it's all symbolic! no changes are made on birth certificates or anything!. I (or my mom) named her Siyasanda, which means we are multiplying; get it? Her joining the family means that our family will multiply from here on out. She is also a symbol of our unity as a family (and with that my eyes fill with tears of pride, lol)
When I look back on the 2 weeks that Siya was with us, I realise how blessed I am to have my family. I realise how proud I am to know that my identity is in these people with their unbelievable strength and colourful characters. I am privelleged beyond words to share my roots with them all. There is really nothing better than family!
In our culture, when a girl marries into a family there are specific.... procedures that need to be done. First of all, the makoti (bride) is officially dressed by her sister-in-law (that's me) in an attire that sets her apart as the new bride.Her sister-in-law also gets to name the new makoti, because when she marries into a family she not only becomes part of them but she also brings certain qualities that will add onto the dynamics of the family. In giving her a name you are expressing the significance of having her as an addition to the family; you are speaking into the new life that lies ahead with this new family.
So I had the privellege as the eldest daughter at home of dressing our new makoti and giving her a name (mind you, my mom gave me a name to give to her and only told me afterwards that it was my job to come up with a name. thanks mom!). I also had to officially introduce her to the family by her new name - don't worry, it's all symbolic! no changes are made on birth certificates or anything!. I (or my mom) named her Siyasanda, which means we are multiplying; get it? Her joining the family means that our family will multiply from here on out. She is also a symbol of our unity as a family (and with that my eyes fill with tears of pride, lol)
When I look back on the 2 weeks that Siya was with us, I realise how blessed I am to have my family. I realise how proud I am to know that my identity is in these people with their unbelievable strength and colourful characters. I am privelleged beyond words to share my roots with them all. There is really nothing better than family!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Understanding Mister God
I've always been a restless person. While other people would find my life relatively satisfactory I will find something I'm not happy with in my life, blow it a little out of proportion and vuwala; I have myself a hopelessly empty life. It's a bad habit; something that I do subconsciously, something that I need to stop.
Lately my restlessness has been in God. Now, God being the center of my existance means that when I am unhappy with Him, my very core is shaken. A girlfriend and I were chatting the other day, her words to me still ring in my ears; " I don't understand God", she says in defeat.What plagues me about what my friend said is that in her frustration with God, she has walked away from Him; given up on Him. That for me is so sad because, while there is still so much I can't grasp about God, the very little that I do know is so phenominal, so outrageous that i can't bring myself to walk away.
Don't get me wrong, I'd be lying if I said I've never walked away before, but there is one thing I have learned. When you are in the blackest abyss, there is very little anyone can tell you that will help you see the light and that footprints-in-the-sand poem starts to look like something to start a small fire with.
What has often gotten me through these times is clinging to that which I already know about God because when you are that down and out, trying to understand God gets very frustrating. It's just a matter of saying, " I don't understand what you are doing, but I do know that you are sovereign and you are bigger than this." Try that and see if you won't experience His peace even when there seems to be nothing to feel peaceful about.
So next time (there will be a next time!) you want to throw in the towel on God, ask yourself this, " What is it that I do know about God?" and cling to that with everything that is in you.
Lately my restlessness has been in God. Now, God being the center of my existance means that when I am unhappy with Him, my very core is shaken. A girlfriend and I were chatting the other day, her words to me still ring in my ears; " I don't understand God", she says in defeat.What plagues me about what my friend said is that in her frustration with God, she has walked away from Him; given up on Him. That for me is so sad because, while there is still so much I can't grasp about God, the very little that I do know is so phenominal, so outrageous that i can't bring myself to walk away.
Don't get me wrong, I'd be lying if I said I've never walked away before, but there is one thing I have learned. When you are in the blackest abyss, there is very little anyone can tell you that will help you see the light and that footprints-in-the-sand poem starts to look like something to start a small fire with.
What has often gotten me through these times is clinging to that which I already know about God because when you are that down and out, trying to understand God gets very frustrating. It's just a matter of saying, " I don't understand what you are doing, but I do know that you are sovereign and you are bigger than this." Try that and see if you won't experience His peace even when there seems to be nothing to feel peaceful about.
So next time (there will be a next time!) you want to throw in the towel on God, ask yourself this, " What is it that I do know about God?" and cling to that with everything that is in you.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Stop This Train
Am I like the only woman blogger in the world that has put her age up on her profile? I suspect that I am.
As you know, I love reading other people's blogs and taking a walk in their shoes if only for 5 minutes. Whenever I'm bored here at work, I spend some time on the next blog link just reading other people's blogs and if I find one worth following, I add it to my reading list. During these escapades that have so often proved amusing, I find that women will share pretty much everything about themselves from how many kids they have, to their deepest most intimate secrets,but their ages? There's no way you'll get that out of them. I usually try and estimate, based on what they talk about, but in all honesty I'm not much of a guesser ( you don't wanna play pictionary with me!)so I doubt I've guessed right.
So, let me ask you ladies; what is it about your age that freaks you out so much? For me, it's the thought that I'll be 25 soon and I've accomplished very little. I look around at girls, I mean, women my age and I see engagement and wedding rings, baby rattles and business plans and I think to myself, "Myself, you are lagging far behind." It feels as though I'm running out of time and life is passing me by. I have a better understanding now of how the fat kid picked last in P.T class felt; like a complete loser!
But that's the negative way of looking at it right? I mean, I'm 25 years old, I have no children, I am single which means I have no responsibilities and I'm not tied down. Those gir- women, I meant women see my side as greener than theirs- oh the irony! So, I'm just gonna sit back, relax and try to enjoy, because before I know it, my time will come and I'll be looking back nostalgically and I don't want to wish that I'd done more with all this freedom.
John Mayer says in one of his songs "don't stop this train, don't, for a minute change the place you're in", and with that ladies I wanna say this. We are all of us lucky to be married, to be engaged, to have children, to be single, to be students, to be young and to be old. May we embrace where we are in life while we look forward to the what awaits us ahead and may we look back without regret for the things we were too scared to do.
As you know, I love reading other people's blogs and taking a walk in their shoes if only for 5 minutes. Whenever I'm bored here at work, I spend some time on the next blog link just reading other people's blogs and if I find one worth following, I add it to my reading list. During these escapades that have so often proved amusing, I find that women will share pretty much everything about themselves from how many kids they have, to their deepest most intimate secrets,but their ages? There's no way you'll get that out of them. I usually try and estimate, based on what they talk about, but in all honesty I'm not much of a guesser ( you don't wanna play pictionary with me!)so I doubt I've guessed right.
So, let me ask you ladies; what is it about your age that freaks you out so much? For me, it's the thought that I'll be 25 soon and I've accomplished very little. I look around at girls, I mean, women my age and I see engagement and wedding rings, baby rattles and business plans and I think to myself, "Myself, you are lagging far behind." It feels as though I'm running out of time and life is passing me by. I have a better understanding now of how the fat kid picked last in P.T class felt; like a complete loser!
But that's the negative way of looking at it right? I mean, I'm 25 years old, I have no children, I am single which means I have no responsibilities and I'm not tied down. Those gir- women, I meant women see my side as greener than theirs- oh the irony! So, I'm just gonna sit back, relax and try to enjoy, because before I know it, my time will come and I'll be looking back nostalgically and I don't want to wish that I'd done more with all this freedom.
John Mayer says in one of his songs "don't stop this train, don't, for a minute change the place you're in", and with that ladies I wanna say this. We are all of us lucky to be married, to be engaged, to have children, to be single, to be students, to be young and to be old. May we embrace where we are in life while we look forward to the what awaits us ahead and may we look back without regret for the things we were too scared to do.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Speechless
I've spent the greater part of today racking my brain for something to say on buzz and to all 9 of my avid readers ( you are avid readers right?), but alas, I've come up empty. Could it be that I'm all thought out? lol no way, this is me we're talking about, the world's biggest over-thinker?( how fitting is my picture right now?). All I need is an opening line- or 20 attempts at a decent opener- and maybe some John Mayer to get me going and before you know it, I'll have something relatively amusing...
In all honesty, it's not the lack of something to say that has me scrambling for words. It's just that when you've chewed and chewed and chewed on a something as much as I've chewed on certain things, the last thing you want to do is open your mouth to expose the results of all that chewing (lol gross analogy right?). I don't know about you, but once I'm done chewing, I would much rather just.... swallow, accept the conclusions I've drawn and hope that I haven't eaten anything that will unsettle my stomach. At least this way,I'm the only person in danger; nobody gets grossed out by the content of my mouth!
There's a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with exposing yourself like that to people. I mean, sharing what you are thinking gives people a glimpse of who you are and how you think and feel about certain things, which is a little too much power for my liking. My phobia after revealing myself like that is the reaction I will get from my... audience; it's possible that they'll wrinkle their noses in disgust and run for the hills; the thought of that happening just cripples me. so, instead of opening my mouth at the most vulnerable times, I swallow whatever's in my mouth and let it poison my system. It just feels safer to do that than do be given the deer-in-the- headlights look.
But, I must be brave! No scars means no adventure and no great stories right?
In all honesty, it's not the lack of something to say that has me scrambling for words. It's just that when you've chewed and chewed and chewed on a something as much as I've chewed on certain things, the last thing you want to do is open your mouth to expose the results of all that chewing (lol gross analogy right?). I don't know about you, but once I'm done chewing, I would much rather just.... swallow, accept the conclusions I've drawn and hope that I haven't eaten anything that will unsettle my stomach. At least this way,I'm the only person in danger; nobody gets grossed out by the content of my mouth!
There's a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with exposing yourself like that to people. I mean, sharing what you are thinking gives people a glimpse of who you are and how you think and feel about certain things, which is a little too much power for my liking. My phobia after revealing myself like that is the reaction I will get from my... audience; it's possible that they'll wrinkle their noses in disgust and run for the hills; the thought of that happening just cripples me. so, instead of opening my mouth at the most vulnerable times, I swallow whatever's in my mouth and let it poison my system. It just feels safer to do that than do be given the deer-in-the- headlights look.
But, I must be brave! No scars means no adventure and no great stories right?
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Fake it till you make it
I am a huge John Mayer fan!!!! ok, I don't think you understand! I loooove this guy! Not the groupie kind of love though, you know what I mean; passing out at the mere sight of a photograph of him, screaming at the thought of seeing him in the flesh kinds of love? No, that's definately not me. For me it's all about the music. Its in the way he words things so differently to any other songwriter; its amazing!
So, because I'm such a huge fan,I very eagerly follow his blog. The other day, I read a piece he wrote called "Depends On Who You Ask"; totally insightful. The man seems like a nice guy to meet and intellectual enough to have those diffcult conversations with, you know, about religion, politics and so on; its quiet refreshing. I had one of those-celebrities-are-people-too moments when I was done reading it!
But during this moment the skepitic in me jumped in and played devil's advocate. Is it possible for people in the public eye to be that genuine, down-to-earth and... well, normal? Is it possible that John Mayer is...... faking it.... *Gasp*! My friend pointed out to me that which I myself did not consider; that it is possible for celebrities to hire people to write all that stuff, this is hollywood
we are talking about after all so i guess its possible!
The thing is, virtual reality has made it so easy for us to be...whoever. I can photoshop my profile picture and BAM!!! I'm hotter than Halle Berry on Oscar night and with a little help from my favorite TV programmes, I can be the funniest most interesting person you've ever met, but am I me? Are the virtual connections that I make then in any way meaningful or real(what a pradox considering the virtual is not tangible!)? Is it possible to have meaningful connections in the virtual world?(lol, that's another can of worms)
May you come to the realisation that the real you is the best person you will ever be. May you not live your life to be what is acceptable to society but what is acceptable to you and your Maker. May you stand with your chest pushed out, unashamed at who you are and may you not deprive the world of the awesome person God made you to be!
So, because I'm such a huge fan,I very eagerly follow his blog. The other day, I read a piece he wrote called "Depends On Who You Ask"; totally insightful. The man seems like a nice guy to meet and intellectual enough to have those diffcult conversations with, you know, about religion, politics and so on; its quiet refreshing. I had one of those-celebrities-are-people-too moments when I was done reading it!
But during this moment the skepitic in me jumped in and played devil's advocate. Is it possible for people in the public eye to be that genuine, down-to-earth and... well, normal? Is it possible that John Mayer is...... faking it.... *Gasp*! My friend pointed out to me that which I myself did not consider; that it is possible for celebrities to hire people to write all that stuff, this is hollywood
we are talking about after all so i guess its possible!
The thing is, virtual reality has made it so easy for us to be...whoever. I can photoshop my profile picture and BAM!!! I'm hotter than Halle Berry on Oscar night and with a little help from my favorite TV programmes, I can be the funniest most interesting person you've ever met, but am I me? Are the virtual connections that I make then in any way meaningful or real(what a pradox considering the virtual is not tangible!)? Is it possible to have meaningful connections in the virtual world?(lol, that's another can of worms)
May you come to the realisation that the real you is the best person you will ever be. May you not live your life to be what is acceptable to society but what is acceptable to you and your Maker. May you stand with your chest pushed out, unashamed at who you are and may you not deprive the world of the awesome person God made you to be!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Ode to Bravehearts
There's nothing more intimidating than a blank page! It feels like I'm trying to write something on a space that is already written on; it is already spoken for, and what I have to say suddenly becomes irrelevant. It's as if my words need approval from some higher....something or have to meet some kind of standard set by some higher.... someone. I type out the opening line, read it and realise; "What a stupid thing to say out loud!", then I hastily push the backspace button sheepishly hoping that no one saw what I wrote which, of course, does nothing to ease my embarrassment for writing it in the first place.
Every time I'm about to write something for this blog, I am given a taste of what it must be like for a man to step up to a ridiculously beautiful woman and I realise 2 things; how lucky I am to be a woman and how impressed we should be with courageous men. Brave men are the real thing; these are the guys with endurance and amazing strength. Theyr're the ones that jump off the edge dispite the fear in their hearts that so often paralyses. Power to you, guys. You inspire me to be brave!
Every time I'm about to write something for this blog, I am given a taste of what it must be like for a man to step up to a ridiculously beautiful woman and I realise 2 things; how lucky I am to be a woman and how impressed we should be with courageous men. Brave men are the real thing; these are the guys with endurance and amazing strength. Theyr're the ones that jump off the edge dispite the fear in their hearts that so often paralyses. Power to you, guys. You inspire me to be brave!
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