A Real Boyfriend?

So today I got this chain email (chain emails; grrrr!) titled "A real boyfriend". The funny thing about this email is that it describes all the things every girl would like her boyfriend/husband to do and all the things every girl wishes he would be; it's amazing! But the further down the list I read ( it was quiet a long list) the more I realised how selfish women are.

Let me give you a rough idea of  this "real boyfriend" list:

When she's quiet

Ask her what's wrong
When she ignores you
Give her your attention
When she pulls away
Pull her back....

Some parts of this chain email ( chain emails; grrr!) had the girl in me shouting, " Yes! that's exactly what I need from him when I do that!" But the other side of me, I think that's the voice of reason or something with with similar wisdom thinks, " Wait a minute; how selfish is this girl who goes into a relationship with all these insecurities, but expects a  perfect man with no insecturities of his own?" That really got my mind working. I mean, when I read all the stuff that she does, I realise that I do those same things when I'm feeling insecure and the stuff that he does in reaction to them; that stuff is different forms of reassurance. It's like the girl in this scenario is a raging tornado of insecurity and low self esteem while the guy is expected to be the quiet, confident knight-in-shining-armour type that's come to fix you.

But that's unfair! We all have insecurities and fears about ourselves, don't we? So then shouldn't we be heroes to  each other? I mean there are things that I will expect and often need from my man one day, but I want him to need me too. I don't want a flat, perfect character of a man that is just there to give, give and give the whole time; I want to be needed too. I also want to be a knight in shining armour to my man ( I think I just threw up a bit of Stacie Elderidge's Captivating ! )  So as much as I would love a man who is as attentive to my needs as this chain email ( chain emails; grrr!) man is, I'd also like him to be less...."Prince Charming, the Flawless One" so that I can have some hero scenes to play out where I am the hero. I think that's a good selfish don't you?

Ramblings Of A Bored Banker

On days like today, when I'm bored out of my mind and there is absolutely nohting to keep me occupied, I find that my mind wonders to all sorts of crazy places.

My head is an unpleasant place to be in when I'm having the day that I'm having.I think that's why I want to move; so I won't have a  second to myself or my thoughts, because once my mind starts to wonder, there's no stopping it. It has a mind of its own! I've also realised what has made me even more bored in the place that I'm in right now. My work is not challenging. It does not push me to go distances i've never thought possible for me. I don't find myself panicking when at faced with the possibility of failure only to be met with the excitement of success and knowing that I can  do it!

But I'm going to try. Try to wait for my name to be called; for the moment when I'll be given the opportunity to show the world that I can catch whatever it throws at me!

Bring on the Heat

I've never been able to choose which season I liked more; summer or winter.When forced to decide I would always use the I'm-a-child-of-divorce-please-don't-make-me-choose line and that usually got me off the hook, but if it didn't work I would then pick winter,  because I'm a Winter baby

When I look back on the past year or 2 I realise how much growing up I've done. I've never really been comfortable in my own skin so I was never comfortable to show it off. I prefered winter because I could put more layers on and not have to worry about celulite and stretch marks because they would all be covered. But lately I've realised that I'm coming to terms with the way I look and have become more comfortable in boob-tubes and similarly revealing clothes. When I really realised that I love summer though, was when August hit and I found myself  looking forward to the Spring.

I look foward to wearing my yellow and whited striped boob tube. I look forward to sitting outside until 9 at night because it is unbearibly hot indoors. I look forward to wearing sunglasses that make me look like the coolest insect ever! I'm excited about ice-cream dates, and buying ice trays in bulk to keep up with how much ice is being used! I look forward to the smell of freshly cut grass and seeing a million different shades of green and mozzy bites and wishing my bedroom wasn't so darn hot. There; I've decided that I love summer. Bring on the heat!

Big City Life

I spent the last week in Johannesburg and Pretoria. I was there to visit some University friends. I haven't had that much fun in a long time ( probably since the last time I was there did I have so much fun)

I know alot of people who say they hate the big city life for all its chaos, but I love it! I love the hum; the fact that you never have a dull moment there. I love being so busy that I  find myself longing  for a moment alone with my thoughts. Those were the best of times for me. It was during those times when I enjoyed stretching out on my bed and staring at the ceiling thinking about....... nothing and loving it because I never had many oportunities to do so.Most of all I miss my friends. I miss  having them in my life and being in their lives, because let's face it; there's only so much facebook can do to keep you in touch!

It's ok though, I'm not sad. I know that the day will come when I will finally get to live the life that I want to live where I want to live it. I look to that day with anticipation and excitement!

Speaking Of Which....

Speaking of  American talk shows, I loooooove the Ellen Degeneres Show!

While other shows like Oprah teach you how to love yourself  by focussing on all the stuff you hate about yourself , Ellen is like, " forget about all that! let's dance and laugh and enjoy!" I mean, a few weeks ago, during her mother's day show, she had a pregnant lady doing the booty hop on stage! Can you imagine that happening on Oprah? I  sure can't! even the guests on her show seem to be less conscious of themselves and their "image", it's all about them as people (or I'm just seriously  brainwashed and I need help! that is a possibility!)

I've come to believe that life's too short to be afraid or stressed or any of that negative stuff. We ( mostly women) spend too much time poking at our love-handles, trying to excercise the weight off and finding the right jean cut that will create a better silhouette; it's ridiculous! A friend of mine once said to me that we are at our best looking right now, so why not enjoy our bodies? Ok, granted, my friend is slender and diets and other such things are a foreign concept to her, but she had a point.Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with excersising and eating correctly, but don't let it steal your joy! If it makes you feel dispondent about yourself, then there is a problem.

I there's one thing I take away from Ellen, it is that, there is too much sadness in the world for me to be wearing myself down with silly things like my weight. so  in the words of Ellen;  laugh.dance.live!

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

I have developed a Sunday afternoon ritual which I'm really  enjoying. Every Sunday, when I get back from church and  lunch and dishes are out of the way, I grab my sleeping bag turned throw blanket, lie on the couch in front of the TV,  and choose a channel that will provide the best background snooze noise. Yesterday, a rerun of  a number of "Late Night with David Letterman" episodes won the  channel contest! I enjoy this show though Letterman can be a bit arrogant. Sometimes his show is monotone enough to sing me to sleep (but then again when you're used to the Ellen show, any other talk show puts you to sleep!)

Before I drifted off to sleep, I caught an interview David did with Miley Cyrus. During their dialogue, I kept thinking to myself, "Myself, this kid is soooo annoying!" I was this close to changing the channel! This wasn't the first time I had watched an interview with her and it's not the first time  this thought has crossed my mind during these interviews. It was, however, the first time I asked myself why it is that I dislike her so. That's when it hit me!

When Ellen is introducing kids that are doing amazing things at their ages, she always says something like,      " When I was that age, I made friends with mud." ( isn't she funny?!) Kids these days seem to have life figured out at a crazy young age. At 17, Mliley  appears  to have the career that she wants and all these life changing  things  figured out while I, at 25, am nowhere near where I thought I'd be back when I was 17. That's why she annoys me, I think. I think I envy people who are exactly where they want to be doing exactly what they want to be doing, because I am no where near there. It makes me wonder what it is that they're doing right, because I could use some pointers.

Yes, I know that celebrities try to maintain a perfect front for the public eye and we should not believe everything we watch on television. I also know that it is  very possible that I was high on sleep when this thought process began, but I do think that grown ups have a thing or 2 to learn  from this generation of inovative little-people-doing-big-things. They might be on to something.......

It's not how it looks!

OK, before I embark on my deep and meaningful thought, I have a confession; please don't laugh ok? I put pictures in my blog posts now because I've finally discovered how it's done! lol. That's right, when it comes to technology, I tend to be one (or two) steps behind. One might say that I'm a bit of a techonology retard, but I would like to think of it as laid back. I like to savor and enjoy all that technology has to offer me! I take my time with each new thing that I learn, while other people rush to learn new things all the time! Ok, back to the funkier, nicer-to-meet version of me!

Despite the fact that I don't like pink, I find that this is the picture that says the most about me. Many will argue that while I appear happy,confident and strong on the outside, I am soft, vulnerable and often insecure on the inside. But I think that that is the very thing that makes me more of a square than a white elephant (rare/unique) because I believe that all women are this way. It's like Kiera Knightley once said, (something like...) " Even skinny girls have fat days".  She's so right. Even though I am a good guitar player, there are days when I think to myself, "Myself, what the hell is that noise?!!" We may try to be superwoman, strong and indestructable on the outside, but the truth is that on the inside, we are a little less.I think that inner vulnerability and tenderness are some of the things that make us women. These are the things that evoke the need for men, be it our fathers, brothers, friends or lovers to want to take us in their arms and protect us and love us.

Deep down we all have an irresistable tenderness; we pump thick,warm,lumpy custard whether we care to admit it or not.