I've always been a restless person. While other people would find my life relatively satisfactory I will find something I'm not happy with in my life, blow it a little out of proportion and vuwala; I have myself a hopelessly empty life. It's a bad habit; something that I do subconsciously, something that I need to stop.
Lately my restlessness has been in God. Now, God being the center of my existance means that when I am unhappy with Him, my very core is shaken. A girlfriend and I were chatting the other day, her words to me still ring in my ears; " I don't understand God", she says in defeat.What plagues me about what my friend said is that in her frustration with God, she has walked away from Him; given up on Him. That for me is so sad because, while there is still so much I can't grasp about God, the very little that I do know is so phenominal, so outrageous that i can't bring myself to walk away.
Don't get me wrong, I'd be lying if I said I've never walked away before, but there is one thing I have learned. When you are in the blackest abyss, there is very little anyone can tell you that will help you see the light and that footprints-in-the-sand poem starts to look like something to start a small fire with.
What has often gotten me through these times is clinging to that which I already know about God because when you are that down and out, trying to understand God gets very frustrating. It's just a matter of saying, " I don't understand what you are doing, but I do know that you are sovereign and you are bigger than this." Try that and see if you won't experience His peace even when there seems to be nothing to feel peaceful about.
So next time (there will be a next time!) you want to throw in the towel on God, ask yourself this, " What is it that I do know about God?" and cling to that with everything that is in you.
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