Sunday, June 22, 2014

My People

For my birthday, my brother gave me a measly 10 second call at 2am. I was a little disappointed, but a week later he called to tell me that he wanted to throw me a birthday braai 2 weekends later. I was over the moon!

But then I realised that I was going to once again spend my (belated) birthday with someone else's people. To remedy that, I decided to invite some of my friends - or at least enough friends to fill my car for the drive to the Vaal. I was hesitant doing this because I didn't  know who would actually come. After days of procrastination and overthinking, as only I know how to do, I managed to round up 3 friends for the festivities.

I was still worried though. These ladies only had me in common, as far as they knew anyway. What if they went all the way to the Vaal just to have a terrible time because of me? The drive down was akward at first, but conversation eventually flowed and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Within minutes at my brother's house, these 3 women immediately commandeered his kitchen. Lebo did the dishes, Thula started on the salad and Kholu marinated the meat ( and later braaied it all like a boss!!). I stood at the door and watched them work and realised that these guys were making themselves at home in a place they were not familiar with. They were taking initiative and turning a house into a home. It was awesome to see it being played out because that's exactly what I would have done if the tables were turned.

Now, it may not sound like much to you. But all those episodes of Grey's Anatomy make sense. I watched my friends with their people all the time. I fit in with them, but I always wonder if they would ever fit with each other, in my world. And if they did fit in, what would make them distinctly my people? Here were these ladies showing me that they were in fact my people. These were just a handful of my friends working away in an environment they were not familiar with and enjoying themselves, because of me!!

So there you have it. From  now on I vow to no longer compartmentalise my friends, because all you need for a successful social gathering is just one thing or person that those people have in common. And then, Bob's your uncle! I'm greatful that I can say that I have people that I can call my own! It makes a world that often seems big and lonely a little brighter.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Daddy Issues

"I'm a child of divorce. Please don't make me choose!" I always pull out this card when I have to make decisions. The kids that grew up with both parents HATE this comment while the kids who were raised by their mothers roll on the floor laughing.

So I am one of many kids out there who were raised by their mothers. I know what makes an amazing mother, but I really have to think about what makes a dad great.

I was scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed today and saw so many status updates saluting moms for doubling up as fathers as well. One friend even stopped midsentence saying "I don't know where I'm going with this [father's day wish]". I was suddenly so sad. Yes, Our mothers did a great job raising us and we are fortunate to have them. But they raised us on their own because they had to. If they had a choice, I'm sure they would've chosen differently. I know I would've chosen differently for my own mother because she really deserves better. I have always wanted to make things better for her. As big and ugly as we are, we turn into little kids on parents' days. We remember everything that they did or failed to do for us.

I guess the little girl in me. The one who used to set the table at dinner and  make my mom and her then boyfriend sit at the table so I could have a family for 20 minutes. That little girl has this to say to men. We need you! We need you to teach us how to ride a bike, how to drive a car. We need you to drill holes in our walls so we can put up our pictures, to tell us to have our engines cleaned and how to fix things. We need you to tell us what we need in our toolboxes. We need you!!!  Your role is vital in our lives.