Wednesday, March 31, 2010


I've spent the greater part of today racking my brain for something to say on buzz and to all 9 of my avid readers ( you are avid readers right?), but alas, I've come up empty. Could it be that I'm all thought out? lol no way, this is me we're talking about, the world's biggest over-thinker?( how fitting is my picture right now?). All I need is an opening line- or 20 attempts at a decent opener- and maybe some John Mayer to get me going and before you know it, I'll have something relatively amusing...

In all honesty, it's not the lack of something to say that has me scrambling for words. It's just that when you've chewed and chewed and chewed on a something as much as I've chewed on certain things, the last thing you want to do is open your mouth to expose the results of all that chewing (lol gross analogy right?). I don't know about you, but once I'm done chewing, I would much rather just.... swallow, accept the conclusions I've drawn and hope that I haven't eaten anything that will unsettle my stomach. At least this way,I'm the only person in danger; nobody gets grossed out by the content of my mouth!

There's a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with exposing yourself like that to people. I mean, sharing what you are thinking gives people a glimpse of who you are and how you think and feel about certain things, which is a little too much power for my liking. My phobia after revealing myself like that is the reaction I will get from my... audience; it's possible that they'll wrinkle their noses in disgust and run for the hills; the thought of that happening just cripples me. so, instead of opening my mouth at the most vulnerable times, I swallow whatever's in my mouth and let it poison my system. It just feels safer to do that than do be given the deer-in-the- headlights look.

But, I must be brave! No scars means no adventure and no great stories right?

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Fake it till you make it

I am a huge John Mayer fan!!!! ok, I don't think you understand! I loooove this guy! Not the groupie kind of love though, you know what I mean; passing out at the mere sight of a photograph of him, screaming at the thought of seeing him in the flesh kinds of love? No, that's definately not me. For me it's all about the music. Its in the way he words things so differently to any other songwriter; its amazing!

So, because I'm such a huge fan,I very eagerly follow his blog. The other day, I read a piece he wrote called "Depends On Who You Ask"; totally insightful. The man seems like a nice guy to meet and intellectual enough to have those diffcult conversations with, you know, about religion, politics and so on; its quiet refreshing. I had one of those-celebrities-are-people-too moments when I was done reading it!

But during this moment the skepitic in me jumped in and played devil's advocate. Is it possible for people in the public eye to be that genuine, down-to-earth and... well, normal? Is it possible that John Mayer is...... faking it.... *Gasp*! My friend pointed out to me that which I myself did not consider; that it is possible for celebrities to hire people to write all that stuff, this is hollywood
we are talking about after all so i guess its possible!

The thing is, virtual reality has made it so easy for us to be...whoever. I can photoshop my profile picture and BAM!!! I'm hotter than Halle Berry on Oscar night and with a little help from my favorite TV programmes, I can be the funniest most interesting person you've ever met, but am I me? Are the virtual connections that I make then in any way meaningful or real(what a pradox considering the virtual is not tangible!)? Is it possible to have meaningful connections in the virtual world?(lol, that's another can of worms)

May you come to the realisation that the real you is the best person you will ever be. May you not live your life to be what is acceptable to society but what is acceptable to you and your Maker. May you stand with your chest pushed out, unashamed at who you are and may you not deprive the world of the awesome person God made you to be!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Ode to Bravehearts

There's nothing more intimidating than a blank page! It feels like I'm trying to write something on a space that is already written on; it is already spoken for, and what I have to say suddenly becomes irrelevant. It's as if my words need approval from some higher....something or have to meet some kind of standard set by some higher.... someone. I type out the opening line, read it and realise; "What a stupid thing to say out loud!", then I hastily push the backspace button sheepishly hoping that no one saw what I wrote which, of course, does nothing to ease my embarrassment for writing it in the first place.

Every time I'm about to write something for this blog, I am given a taste of what it must be like for a man to step up to a ridiculously beautiful woman and I realise 2 things; how lucky I am to be a woman and how impressed we should be with courageous men. Brave men are the real thing; these are the guys with endurance and amazing strength. Theyr're the ones that jump off the edge dispite the fear in their hearts that so often paralyses. Power to you, guys. You inspire me to be brave!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Men In Trees

You know the serries don't you? Popular New York relationship coach flees to a small Alaskan town following her fiance's infidelity? It's not the best serries to ever grace our television screens, but I find it charming enough to watch it on a regular basis. It's my thursday night tv ritual, you see.

So in last night's episodes (they run 2 ever thursday night), Marin (the protaganist)got her heart broken. Although I have never been one to allow myself to be reduced to tears because of a chick flick, much less a chick serries, this episode tugged at a string. Marin took a risk. After her fiance cheated on her, it took some doing for her to find her feet, to be comfortable with the prospect of being single (which seems to be an uphill battle for most women these days- i don't know why!)and she finally takes a chance on this guy, and BAM!! As the gods of fiction would have it, his ex-girlfriend comes back to town and what does he do? he chooses her over our Marin! Outrageous!

so, why did I cry, you may be wondering, because let's face it, this isn't the most suprising plot ever created right? Coincidently, just yesterday afternoon, I was chatting with a girlfriend about rejection- I pointed out that rejection is hard to swallow, because it's the realisation of your worst fears. Marin spent all that time on herself, finding her inner independant woman, just to have that Charlie's angel turned down cold. Eish! I guess you can say that I was crushed for her on the one hand, but on the other, I was was crushed for myself (past experience- long story). I've always been an independent , borderline feminist woman, and for a moment, while watching Marin get crushed, I was in her shoes, having my worst fear realised- that perhaps I'm too independent, too vocal- too much.

But as much as this is a fear, I rebel against it! Who was Marin trying to better herself for(who am I bettering myself for?)?I trust that it was not for her next relationship. I'd like to think that she was merely rolling with the punches, adjusting to her current situation- celibacy. I hope that she was doing it for herself and not for the acceptance of people, because if the latter is the case, I am wasting my thursday night on a very sad serries and there is too much real sadness happening in life for me to waste my tears on fiction.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

They don't make them like they used to

If I were a white person, I would be a readhead, if I were food, I would be very hot curry (and I'm not just saying that because i had curry the other night!) and if i were an element,it would definately be fire. Ok, hear me out, i'm not just being vain here!

I have an opinion about pretty much everything that's out there. Most (or worst?) of all, I have no problem expressing it; I've never been any good at anything to do with silence, you see( though I've gotten better with age!). I'm learning every day that being vocal and having a pet peeve for arrogance are 2 of theee worst atributes to combine in one person (Exhibit A: yours trully); it makes for constantly... overheated conversations.

Now, having observed this about myself, I find that I am constantly in the presence of arrogant men. I'm talking about Christian men; men who expect to be put on some kind of pedistal because they are men; men who make it a point to correct you whenever you do something they believe is not conducive to what a Proverbs 31 woman should be (which, in my case, is everything I do!). I sound like a feminst, I know, but the thing is,I was raised by a woman. Though my mom is not a feminist, everything she and her children are today is as a result of her hard work and with no thanks whatsoever to any man, so it is no surprise that I was raised to go for what I want and not to expect it to be given to me by anyone (much less a man). I was raised to give a man (and anyone else for that matter) the respect that is due to him ( e.g men who are older than me and men who are in authority over me), but to never allow myself to be bullied by them.

Before you think this is some kind of male hate speech, let me say it like this. Your sex, gentlemen, is not something that is to be enforced on women. Men were created to provide for and protect their women and children and the reason why there are so many angry, rebelious, feminist women out there is because of your failure to be the men God created you to be. Yes, as a woman, I am to respect you and submit to you,but you in turn are to love,honour and protect me, not self- righteously point out all my faults in an arrogant attempt to shove me in your idea of the right direction.

Man of God, put your ego aside for just one day and treat a woman with gentleness and respect and see if you won't find that all the qualities of that Proverbs 31 woman you are so desperate for, will magically appear.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

He Believes In You

So, the other day at young adult's we watched one of Rob Bell's DVD's; you know, those nooma short films they do? (how cool are they?!!)

Anyway, we watched the 8th one called Dust. for the rest of the group it was their 1st viewing of any of this guy's stuff,but for me, it was about the millionth time i'd seen this specific one,never mind the the other DVD's.

what i'm observing and enjoying about Rob Bell is the way he touches on many aspects of a topic. He leaves you with so many detours to explore even though his destination is completely different to where those detours lead; so every time I've seen Dust, Ive come away with something different.

This time, I was amazed at the concept of God believing in us. You see the mistake I often make in my way of thought is that God is ready and waiting with a red pen, just itching to put a big cross on whatever I've done wrong at the time. God has become that guy that's always critisising the things that I do. What a blatant lie i have been believing!

Just as Christ believed in 12 wet-behind-the-ears laymen to take the gospel to all the world, he believes in me for great things too. He knew all the mistakes I would make before the universe came into existence, yet He created the world, came and died for it, then to top it all off, allowed me to exist despite the msitakes I would make. How can I now not believe that he believes in me? How can I possibly think that he doesn't have something amazing planned for me and that He actually believes I can achieve it(not hopes or wishes, but actually believes it)?

i don't know about you, but this has got me wondering if I really fathom this God of mine or if I've just been scraping away at the tip of the tip of the iceberg all this time.