Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Home is where Mom is

After 3 years in University, I moved back home. This event will go down in my history book as one of the more..... bittersweet experiences of my life. Let me elaborate...

The last thing I ever wanted was to move back home, I mean, think about it. I had 3 years of total independance, great friends and a realitively busy life; I loved it. Then I came home to people I didnt really know because of years of seperation, no independance and a social life that amounted to trips to town to do errands for my mom; yippee.

I don't have bills to pay and my mom and I have become really close. My mom has always been an incredible homemaker. she's not very affectionate; in fact, because I am too affectionate, I often have to beg her for any kind of physical affection, but when it comes to cooking for you and making sure you have everything you need, she often goes overboard. She loves like a man; she won't tell you that she loves you or give you hugs and kisses for no reason, but you will always have seconds when she cooks and you'll never want for anything.

Every time mom shows her love, I'm reminded of a much younger version of myself. When I was a kid, I would never go to a place I didnt know without my mom. not because I was a mommy's girl but because when she was there, i knew that everything was going to be alright. I would never get lost (although she did actually lose me twice!), nor would I be hungry or cold if she was there.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I am half the woman and mother my mom is, I will know that I have arrived.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Ramblings Of A Googirl

When I first started this blog, I was my only follower ( I know, who does that? Don't worry, I removed myself though,hehe!). Every time someone new started following me, I would get as excited as the day I got my driver's license (i.e over-the-moon excited!). But then I hit 7 followers and not only were the numbers at a standstill, but even those few followers never commented on anything I wrote which got the notion in my head that I was talking to myself!

At first this made me think to myself, " Myself, You are such a lonely loser!". But after a while I sort of grew accustomed to that feeling you get when you are talking to a lot of people who are just not listening to you.Until one day, a friend left a message on my facebook wall saying how much she enjoyed my blog and how deep my thoughts are (my thoughts are deep? wowza!)but she was not an official follower and I realised; " holy crap,people are listening! I'm not actually talking to just myself! Now I must actually pay attention to what I write about!"

Since the message on my wall, it's been like all my friends who are my closet readers (that's what I'm going to call all you secret readers!) have started coming out of the closet as it were, which has made me more and more aware of the virtual eyes that are probably on me, YIKES, I'm in trouble!

Thanks to this new revelation, I have 2 pieces of writing sitting in my drafts folder that I'm too shy to post because they sound lame to me now that I know that people are going to read them! *sigh* Will I ever get past my petty insecurities? time will tell I guess...

Love God - Part 2

In what is so often a petty attempt at loving God, I have learned one thing.Contrary to popular belief, saved people are no panzies! Being a child of God is really, really hard.

I think that it takes so much courage and strength to be able to say to yourself, "Yourself, I want to stand blameless before God and because of that I will not take part in certain things." We live in a society that encourages experimentation and doing whatever feels good at that moment and we forget that Christianity is in the business of pleasing God and not self.

More often than not, I find that doing the right thing or the God thing is much more painful than doing the wrong. I don't know about you,but once I've chosen the right thing over the wrong, there isn't a wave of relief that washes over me. I know that what I've done is right but I wonder about the wrong too...... the spirit is willing but the flesh is indeed weak.

That's why I'm grateful for my salvation. In the midst of feeling guilty for desiring the wrong, I realise that I have done the right and God sees that. You see, when he works in us it is a process. He is still going to get to my inside if only I am willing

So here's to all God's children. You are stronger than the world or even you give yourself credit for. Take a moment to think about that before you guiltily flog yourself for sins that Jesus already died for. Get up, Dust yourself off and keep moving!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Love God

I've really enjoyed the last 2 weeks of my life. I've spent most of it with friends, which always adds some colour to my world. Even more than that, these friends have really made me look at some spiritual truths in a different light. It's really refreshing because alot of truths have been growing mould in my head and heart lately.

This particular truth was in reference to girls and their constant need for affirmation. Girls (and especially those who, like myself, have daddy issues) tend to look for love and acceptance in all the wrong places; including men whose only desire is often to satisfy themselves. I have found that it is in your best interest to look to yourself for this affirmation and not to people because they have their own junk to deal with. "Love yourself", I always say because how do you expect other people to enjoy being around you when you don't even enjoy being around yourself?

While I think that this is sound advice to give to young girls, my friend said something that surpassed it by far; Love God.Loving God means putting all else aside and focusing on Him. Once the focus is trully on Him, nothing else matters; nothing else is important except for being in his presence and pleasing Him.When my friend said this, I thought to myself, "Myself,what this guy is saying is as profound as if I'm hearing it for the first time ever!How refreshing!"

May you learn to love God above all else. May your focus be completely on him and on nothing and no one else. May you know the most complete acceptance, the affirmation that comes from knowing Christ and may you know that once we find this, everything else will just fall into place.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Liar Liar

I have come to learn that one of my most outstanding or distinct character traits is my inability to keep quiet. My friend describes it as being unable to hide my heart. Whether happy or sad, I can't keep my feelings to myself. If I don't voice them, they fester in me and I become bitter. That is why I find it difficult to relate to people who lie.

Last night, a few of my friends took me out for dinner and drinks for my birthday. While chatting to someone I had recently had an 'encounter' with, I discoverd yet another lie that he had told me and I remember thinking to myself, " Myself, what was this guy hoping to acommplish by lying to you?" I really don't understand it. The way I see it, there is so much clarity when it comes to telling the the truth. I don't believe that being evasive with someone hurts them less than telling them the truth. Granted the truth may not always be what you want to hear, but at the end of the day, you know exactly where you stand with someone once the truth has been told.

I really like the idea of being transparent. I like it when people around me know me well enough to know what I will and will not tolerate. Most of all, I enjoy the freedom that comes with being an open person. I call it freedom because, I am not constantlytrying to hide things from people.I'm not looking over my shoulder, hoping that I haven't been caught doing something people didn't think I did. My life and my heart are open books.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Final Countdown!

You know those losers that count down the days before their birthdays? Well, I am one of them! From around March already, I start calculating how many weeks I have to wait until my birthday so if I am so excited at that time already, you can just imagine how bad I am when it's down to 5 days right?

I don't know what it is about my bday, I think it's because when i was growing up, my mom had this work friend who would make a huge fuss over it. Every year I knew that she would come over on my birthday with a cake on the one hand and a gift on the other; she was the best!

I think it's still the same now; I countdown to the one day in the year where people shower you with love and attention and only know the good things about you. On your birthday, you are never too bossy, or loud or annoying. People flock to be at your side if only for that one day! It's not that I am attention deprived or anything, its just that so often we look right past each. We forget to appreciate the people we have in our lives and even worse we forget to tell each other how much we appreciate each other, but on your bday, there can never be too much acts to show appreciation!

May you show your appreciation for your loved ones everyday and not just birthdays. may you realise how blessed you are to have the people you do in your llife