Thursday, December 30, 2010

Mother Hen

Having a huge family brings with it alot of  drama but also alot of perks! I have 2 family members that are home for the festive season from Gauteng and they so kindly offered to take some of my stuff with them when they drive back in January. Whether they offered to take my stuff with them or I nudged them in the right direction or I blatantly asked them, is a matter of opinion!

Anyway, my mom thought we should take advantage of such kindness and  so we set out  to fill a box with stuff we thought I'd need for my new abode. Initially, the thought was just to pack a dinner set and maybe some clothes to lighten my load when I travel up to  Joburg. But before I knew it,  my mom had me packing  small salad dishes, knives, forks, spoons,teaspons and tupperware that is allegedly as old as I am and, on top of that offered to buy me dish clothes and glasses to put in another box - because Joburg doesn't sell this stuff right?

The funny thing is,  when we were done taking all these 'tid bits' from my mom's endless collection of kitchenware, one could not see the difference; We had packed  so much, but so much was still left. I guess being a borderline hauder has its perks just as family does!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

My Dreams - An Evaluation

There's nothing more satisfying than checking off things in your to-do list:

A better job- Check!

I finally found better work and am about to make the biggest move- Ever, I think! I'm looking forward to the challenge of balancing work and studies, but the good thing is that I will be studying about my work so every day I will get to see what I'm learning coming to life in the classroom - how exciting!

My own place - Pending

But this will soon be a check also! For now, I'll be staying with a friend until I can find my own little nest. There is one that I am viewing in about 2 weeks time; holding thumbs that I like it :)

A Car- Pending

I personally don't feel that I'm ready for a car, but many beg to differ.... time will tell...

It's so crazy to think that in just under 2 weeks one of my heart's desires is coming true. I never thought it possible for myself...

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


It's been such a crazy 11 days! over the past few days my world has been turned upsidedown, but in a good way.

It's true what they say; it is darkest just before dawn comes. I've heard this and many similar quotes countless times in a futile attempt to encourage me about my future and with the passing of time, I've been tempted to throw a chair at whoever would tell say such things to me. The thing is, I believed that God is a God of miracles and He will come through for us no matter how bleek the situation gets, but when you are in the middle of that bleekness, you don't want to hear theory, you want to see the theory materialise into something tangible. I was at that point; I knew and fathomed that joy comes in the morning, but more than that I wanted to see it. And did I see it!! Talk about the eleventh hour! Just when I had trully given up and given in, He answered my prayers and things are slowly falling into place. The light at the end of the tunnel is no longer an alligation but a  reality; I see it in the not too far distance..

Watch out world, here I come!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Act your age, not your shoe size

I've never been the kind of girl who is  ashamed of her age. If you ask me how old I am, I'll tell you without hesitating; I'm 25.I have started to notice though that I am, in a way ashamed of my age and I show it in  different areas.

When I think about my group of friends one thing stands out besides how different they all are; most of them are younger than me. Because of this I find myself thinking like them and very often emulating them. Here's an example; I started this new thing of dressing my jeans up with a nice pair of heals or something and often when some of my friends see me dressed like that, comments are passed about how dressed up I am which makes me feel embarressed about how overdressed I am. Now to kids my age, I'd imagine that this would be a perfectly acceptible way of dressing right? But I wouldn't know that because I don't hang out with kids my age..... hmmmm.

Something drastic needs to happen. Obviously my friendships are not tradeble so giving them up is not an option so what is a girl to do? I think there is much to say about owning who and what you are. Accepting that I am not thin for example, helps me to see the good in the body that I do have and helps me to enjoy my body more. I find that there is less pressure with younger people, because they feel they have more time on their hands ( so not true, but let's not burst their bubble). When I am around people my age one of the biggest things that is spoken about is marriage. I have no input in this subject matter because I don't even have a boyfriend let alone someone to marry. The next thing is climbing the career ladder and getting stuff. My career has bearly started and I've never been very materialistic  which pulls me up shot once again. In a nutshell, with kids my age, I am an amateur!

We were talking at cell once when one of the older guys mentioned that it's ok to want to the best for your life. It's not greedy to dream of owning an expensive car or beautiful home, those are the fruits of our hard work and these things are often necessary ( that thought is one for another blog!). I've often stopped myself from dreaming big because I've felt that I was being greedy, but without those dreams, how do we get out of the ruts we find ourselves in?

So, I guess I should start owning my age again; coming to terms with it  and adjusting my thought patterns around it. Not to apply pressure on myself  in terms of where I should be at my age, but so I can yearn for and go for something better in life thereby bettering myself :) Maybe this attitude adjustment is the beginning of great things.... we will soon find out...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

What I've become

It is said that a man has 3 women in his life; The one he whose marriage material; the one whose his best friend and the one he just wants a 1 night stand with.

For many years I have been the best friend; the girl guys come to when they like your pretty friend? The one that's not so attractive but great to have around? That was always me. It was pretty cool for a while, before i got a bit tired of it. I still remember wishing I was as appealing as my one friend because, she was always "the hot one". Then came 2010 and I sort of got my wish. Now, when I look back, I realise how tiring it is to be viewed like that, because at the end of the day, you're not seen as someone with much depth. No one looks past the pretty face and well styled hair to the person inside.The crazy thing is though, the more of this attention I got, the more I wanted and pretty soon I had myself convinced that I can never be happy without it; It defined me. WHAT THE HELL?!! When did I become this person? I don't even know....

But you know what they say, the first step to recovery is admitting your problem so it's back to theroad to self discovery again. I want to again be that girl that did not depend on people's affirmation to be happy; she was great!  I really liked her...

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Reunion letter

I have been exiled from the land of blogging for almost 3 weeks now and today was my day of release! hooray!

In the spirit of Alannis Morrisette's 'You Live You Learn' philosophy, here is what I have taken away from my time away from all you wonderful people whose lives have added colour to my world. A life without blogging is really not much of a life at all. There's nothing I enjoy more than stepping out of my mundane life and mind and stepping into another world that has smarter thoughts and gazes upon things of more beauty than I ever thought possible...

I have missed you terribly and I trust that we will never be seperated again...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

My Dreams

So in the spirit of visualising things into life, this is my first official step towards getting the things that I want for my future... I was really sad the other day, thinking that I will never be able to get the things that I would like purely because I want them and a friend of mine said, in true guy style; " Go for what you want and don't stop until you get it." It's that simple really! so here goes nothing... I'm officailly putting it down on (virtual) paper for the whole world to see. I would like:

A better job
Don't get me wrong, I am so very grateful for the job that I have now. I have learned so much about my capabilities and I've come to realise that I have been selling myself short in terms of what I deserve. But now I'm ready to be challenged and stretched even more. I'm starting to feel like I'm playing in a puddle when I could be swimming in the ocean; like  the begining of the rest of my life is being hindered by my not getting a better job.

My own place
 I live at home which is a great advantage, because I dont pay rent, nor do I have any other finacial obligations besides the ones that are self inflicted. I believe that  where you reside is also the place where you can express yourself. I want to decorate my own flat, get throw pillows that match the couch ( or whatever flat owners do.)

A car
This one is a recent addition though it has been a growing frustration over the past few months. I'm single and very set in my ways. I like doing what I want when I want to do it e.g When I go out with friends, I can't go home when I want because, often the driver is not ready to leave yet. Little frustrations like that. I know that owning a vehicle is alot of responsibility and comes with it's own frustrations, but like  I said, I'm ready to stretch myself, to do new grown up things I always thought were out of my league.

So there you have it! I've set my ( short term?) goals! they're out there for the world to see... Now comest he part where I go out and make them a reality.....

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

No more Mister Nice guy!

"Safe? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isnt' safe, but he is good" - C.S Lewis

Nice guys bore the hell out of me! Polite men; the kind that will always say and do the "right" things, aaargh! Pushovers! they make assertive girls like me seem like bullies! Don't get me wrong, I've always been the kind a girl that loves gentlemen. I love it when a man opens the door for me or offer to carry  something for me even though I am more than capable of carrying it myself; it makes me feel like I'm being... honored or something But since when is a gentlemen and a nice guy one in the same thing? 

Is it possible for a man to be chilvarious and unsafe at the same time? Because it seems that society says that he can't be. If he's militant  then he's not a gentleman he's a bully and nobody likes a bully. But I say give me the militant man! give me the guy that's confrontational when necessary, these are the unsafe men, I think. They draw you into a place that  makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up; you feel like you are in the presence of something bigger than you. But like CS Lewis says; he may not be safe, but he is good. This is the nature of God. the bible says that we are created in his image. John Eldridge suggests that the image referred to is soulful and not physical so a man reflects God in his soulful strength.  God is tender and loving yes; that is where the woman is made in his image, but the man is fierce and strong Just as God is also.I love that! That just because we are in search of a  man of God, we are not settling for meek pushover men.

Here's to all you guys out there who are wild at heart; I trust that you do not only exist in my own  personal Eutopia!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Weight of Glory

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of the kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously--no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinners--no mere tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbour, he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat, the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden." - CS Lewis, The Weight of Glory

What  an intellect! I always have to read something by CS Lewis twice before I can understand  and grasp it in it's fullest. It's true; one of God's goals for us here on earth is for us to have meaningful, sincere and real relationships with each other. These are often the hardest most excrutiating relationships to have, but in the end, the most rewarding of them all. While I find the prospect of being that vulnerable to so many people  daunting, the prospect of such freedom in my relation to others intrigues me...

Friday, September 10, 2010

What does that even mean?

My parents have been divorced for about 23 of my 25 years. As much as I find that my mother has  moved on and has no desire to go back to him, I find teachings that she has been giving me since I was a girl that reflect a lot of hurt and pain from the whole experience.

One that is the most prominant was this; if you enter into a relationship through a window ( the wrong way) instead of through the front door ( the right way), that relationship will never work out. Now I've always been raised " the christian way" so my idea of entering through the window has always been stuff that wasn't glorifying to God like dating a guy who doesn't share you beliefs for example. I've always used these points as guidelines of some kind but lately I've begun to question them.

I remember telling a friend of mine a while back  that maybe I have been single all this time because I don't know how to conduct myself in a relationship. Maybe there is some kind of code of conduct that I was never told about and as a result, relationships end before they start or I behave in some moronic manner that sends them running to the hills. Now, as I sit here after the latest mess I've made, I wonder to myself, "Why wasn't this one right for me?" besides all the stupid stuff that " doesn't matter", this one was quiet close to perfect. There was a connection and getting carried away felt right... So what was wrong then, because it wasnt as though there was a gradual disconnection, but more of a  violent severing that came out of nowhere and hurt me beyond words. I don't understand it at all....

There's a part of me that wants to throw in the towel and swear eternal celibacy, but I just can't. I feel... hope even though it looks hopeless, which makes me wonder if I am not confusing hope with stupidity. But then again Emily Dickinson says:

"Hope is that thing with feathers
that perches in the soul,
and sings the tune-- without the words,
and never stops at all..."

So what now? In this case, do I let the stupid bird sing or do  I find it and shoot him? Grrr! I think what I really want to do is curl up in a ball and wake up when it's all over... a kind of hybernation.Why couldn't we be the mammals that could do that?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Into the Ocean

" I wanna swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down
Let the rain come down." - Blue October

Men in Black 2. The pretty girl has just discovered that she is the light of Zatha and she is in denial. "Everbody gets sad when it rains", she protests. " But it rains because you're sad, baby", Agent K says.

Sometimes I wish I was the light of Zatha too. I wish it would pour with rain whenever I'm sad or a raging tornado would sweep by when I'm angry. Whenever a storm comes, the sky turns grey and lightning and thunder soon follow; then the rain pours. After a little while, everything calms and sometimes the sun comes out and besides the obvious wetness,it is as though it never rained; there's was no lightning or rain and  there is a sense of release in the atmosphere. I wish sadness and all those bad emotions worked the same and for the same amount of time. Like the weather, you experience the full force of the emotion,but it is soon over and replaced by sunshine; relief and peace.

Alas, that is not how it works. Unfortunately I am not the light of Zatha or any superheroine whose emotional state is reflected in the weather (darn it!) so I guess I have to find another way to get that relief from all this sadness. Thank goodness I have Jesus who knows the anguish of my soul (Ps 30:7b) and who is eager to come to my rescue.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

A Real Boyfriend?

So today I got this chain email (chain emails; grrrr!) titled "A real boyfriend". The funny thing about this email is that it describes all the things every girl would like her boyfriend/husband to do and all the things every girl wishes he would be; it's amazing! But the further down the list I read ( it was quiet a long list) the more I realised how selfish women are.

Let me give you a rough idea of  this "real boyfriend" list:

When she's quiet

Ask her what's wrong
When she ignores you
Give her your attention
When she pulls away
Pull her back....

Some parts of this chain email ( chain emails; grrr!) had the girl in me shouting, " Yes! that's exactly what I need from him when I do that!" But the other side of me, I think that's the voice of reason or something with with similar wisdom thinks, " Wait a minute; how selfish is this girl who goes into a relationship with all these insecurities, but expects a  perfect man with no insecturities of his own?" That really got my mind working. I mean, when I read all the stuff that she does, I realise that I do those same things when I'm feeling insecure and the stuff that he does in reaction to them; that stuff is different forms of reassurance. It's like the girl in this scenario is a raging tornado of insecurity and low self esteem while the guy is expected to be the quiet, confident knight-in-shining-armour type that's come to fix you.

But that's unfair! We all have insecurities and fears about ourselves, don't we? So then shouldn't we be heroes to  each other? I mean there are things that I will expect and often need from my man one day, but I want him to need me too. I don't want a flat, perfect character of a man that is just there to give, give and give the whole time; I want to be needed too. I also want to be a knight in shining armour to my man ( I think I just threw up a bit of Stacie Elderidge's Captivating ! )  So as much as I would love a man who is as attentive to my needs as this chain email ( chain emails; grrr!) man is, I'd also like him to be less...."Prince Charming, the Flawless One" so that I can have some hero scenes to play out where I am the hero. I think that's a good selfish don't you?

Friday, August 6, 2010

Ramblings Of A Bored Banker

On days like today, when I'm bored out of my mind and there is absolutely nohting to keep me occupied, I find that my mind wonders to all sorts of crazy places.

My head is an unpleasant place to be in when I'm having the day that I'm having.I think that's why I want to move; so I won't have a  second to myself or my thoughts, because once my mind starts to wonder, there's no stopping it. It has a mind of its own! I've also realised what has made me even more bored in the place that I'm in right now. My work is not challenging. It does not push me to go distances i've never thought possible for me. I don't find myself panicking when at faced with the possibility of failure only to be met with the excitement of success and knowing that I can  do it!

But I'm going to try. Try to wait for my name to be called; for the moment when I'll be given the opportunity to show the world that I can catch whatever it throws at me!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Bring on the Heat

I've never been able to choose which season I liked more; summer or winter.When forced to decide I would always use the I'm-a-child-of-divorce-please-don't-make-me-choose line and that usually got me off the hook, but if it didn't work I would then pick winter,  because I'm a Winter baby

When I look back on the past year or 2 I realise how much growing up I've done. I've never really been comfortable in my own skin so I was never comfortable to show it off. I prefered winter because I could put more layers on and not have to worry about celulite and stretch marks because they would all be covered. But lately I've realised that I'm coming to terms with the way I look and have become more comfortable in boob-tubes and similarly revealing clothes. When I really realised that I love summer though, was when August hit and I found myself  looking forward to the Spring.

I look foward to wearing my yellow and whited striped boob tube. I look forward to sitting outside until 9 at night because it is unbearibly hot indoors. I look forward to wearing sunglasses that make me look like the coolest insect ever! I'm excited about ice-cream dates, and buying ice trays in bulk to keep up with how much ice is being used! I look forward to the smell of freshly cut grass and seeing a million different shades of green and mozzy bites and wishing my bedroom wasn't so darn hot. There; I've decided that I love summer. Bring on the heat!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Big City Life

I spent the last week in Johannesburg and Pretoria. I was there to visit some University friends. I haven't had that much fun in a long time ( probably since the last time I was there did I have so much fun)

I know alot of people who say they hate the big city life for all its chaos, but I love it! I love the hum; the fact that you never have a dull moment there. I love being so busy that I  find myself longing  for a moment alone with my thoughts. Those were the best of times for me. It was during those times when I enjoyed stretching out on my bed and staring at the ceiling thinking about....... nothing and loving it because I never had many oportunities to do so.Most of all I miss my friends. I miss  having them in my life and being in their lives, because let's face it; there's only so much facebook can do to keep you in touch!

It's ok though, I'm not sad. I know that the day will come when I will finally get to live the life that I want to live where I want to live it. I look to that day with anticipation and excitement!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Speaking Of Which....

Speaking of  American talk shows, I loooooove the Ellen Degeneres Show!

While other shows like Oprah teach you how to love yourself  by focussing on all the stuff you hate about yourself , Ellen is like, " forget about all that! let's dance and laugh and enjoy!" I mean, a few weeks ago, during her mother's day show, she had a pregnant lady doing the booty hop on stage! Can you imagine that happening on Oprah? I  sure can't! even the guests on her show seem to be less conscious of themselves and their "image", it's all about them as people (or I'm just seriously  brainwashed and I need help! that is a possibility!)

I've come to believe that life's too short to be afraid or stressed or any of that negative stuff. We ( mostly women) spend too much time poking at our love-handles, trying to excercise the weight off and finding the right jean cut that will create a better silhouette; it's ridiculous! A friend of mine once said to me that we are at our best looking right now, so why not enjoy our bodies? Ok, granted, my friend is slender and diets and other such things are a foreign concept to her, but she had a point.Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with excersising and eating correctly, but don't let it steal your joy! If it makes you feel dispondent about yourself, then there is a problem.

I there's one thing I take away from Ellen, it is that, there is too much sadness in the world for me to be wearing myself down with silly things like my weight. so  in the words of Ellen;!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

I have developed a Sunday afternoon ritual which I'm really  enjoying. Every Sunday, when I get back from church and  lunch and dishes are out of the way, I grab my sleeping bag turned throw blanket, lie on the couch in front of the TV,  and choose a channel that will provide the best background snooze noise. Yesterday, a rerun of  a number of "Late Night with David Letterman" episodes won the  channel contest! I enjoy this show though Letterman can be a bit arrogant. Sometimes his show is monotone enough to sing me to sleep (but then again when you're used to the Ellen show, any other talk show puts you to sleep!)

Before I drifted off to sleep, I caught an interview David did with Miley Cyrus. During their dialogue, I kept thinking to myself, "Myself, this kid is soooo annoying!" I was this close to changing the channel! This wasn't the first time I had watched an interview with her and it's not the first time  this thought has crossed my mind during these interviews. It was, however, the first time I asked myself why it is that I dislike her so. That's when it hit me!

When Ellen is introducing kids that are doing amazing things at their ages, she always says something like,      " When I was that age, I made friends with mud." ( isn't she funny?!) Kids these days seem to have life figured out at a crazy young age. At 17, Mliley  appears  to have the career that she wants and all these life changing  things  figured out while I, at 25, am nowhere near where I thought I'd be back when I was 17. That's why she annoys me, I think. I think I envy people who are exactly where they want to be doing exactly what they want to be doing, because I am no where near there. It makes me wonder what it is that they're doing right, because I could use some pointers.

Yes, I know that celebrities try to maintain a perfect front for the public eye and we should not believe everything we watch on television. I also know that it is  very possible that I was high on sleep when this thought process began, but I do think that grown ups have a thing or 2 to learn  from this generation of inovative little-people-doing-big-things. They might be on to something.......

Friday, July 16, 2010

It's not how it looks!

OK, before I embark on my deep and meaningful thought, I have a confession; please don't laugh ok? I put pictures in my blog posts now because I've finally discovered how it's done! lol. That's right, when it comes to technology, I tend to be one (or two) steps behind. One might say that I'm a bit of a techonology retard, but I would like to think of it as laid back. I like to savor and enjoy all that technology has to offer me! I take my time with each new thing that I learn, while other people rush to learn new things all the time! Ok, back to the funkier, nicer-to-meet version of me!
Despite the fact that I don't like pink, I find that this is the picture that says the most about me. Many will argue that while I appear happy,confident and strong on the outside, I am soft, vulnerable and often insecure on the inside. But I think that that is the very thing that makes me more of a square than a white elephant (rare/unique) because I believe that all women are this way. It's like Kiera Knightley once said, (something like...) " Even skinny girls have fat days".  She's so right. Even though I am a good guitar player, there are days when I think to myself, "Myself, what the hell is that noise?!!" We may try to be superwoman, strong and indestructable on the outside, but the truth is that on the inside, we are a little less.I think that inner vulnerability and tenderness are some of the things that make us women. These are the things that evoke the need for men, be it our fathers, brothers, friends or lovers to want to take us in their arms and protect us and love us.

Deep down we all have an irresistable tenderness; we pump thick,warm,lumpy custard whether we care to admit it or not.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Say cheese!

Last night I went out with some friends for pizza in celebrating a birthday. As soon as we found our seats, in true Nolo fashion, I pulled out my camera to take some pictures which was accompanied by a chorus of 'oh, no not photos again Nolo!"

I can't help it ok! I must take pictures of the good things in my life, because when days are dark, I need those photos to remind myself of those good things and to remind myself that I will be happy again; it really helps lift my spirits. You see, the thing with difficult times is that you convince yourself that you have nothing good going for you and that you will never get out of that deep dark abyss. When you are at your lowest, truth becomes relative to the negative situation, but a trip down memory lane helps to affirm that your situation is temporary and though weeping may last for the night, joy comes in the morning (Ps 30:5)

So next time you're out with me, and I want to take a photo, just humour me ok? because,somewhere down the road, that picture may put the smile back on my face and help me hold my head high! oh, and happy birthday Mike!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Boys and Girls

I've always thought of myself as the kind of girl that had great friendships with members of the opposite sex. I mean, I have plenty of guy friends and so often these are more valuable to me than the female friendships I have.

I used to believe that it is possible for two people of the opposite sex to be in a friendship without any romantic implications.I don't see any harm in calling a guy you're friends with for long conversations or just hanging out with him. It's something that I do without realising that the the other person might take it the wrong way. So, you can imagine my suprise when I'm standing there with this person and he doesn't like me "like that". Somewhere in the middle of my trying to establish a perfectly platonic friendship, I am incorrectly labelled as romantically interested; what the hell?!

Now, I wonder about this friendship-with-men business; is it possible? Could it be that I send the wrong impression or is my behaviour misunderstood? Do I subconsciously have romantic interests that I myself don't even know about? *sigh* Your guess is as good as mine....

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Home is where Mom is

After 3 years in University, I moved back home. This event will go down in my history book as one of the more..... bittersweet experiences of my life. Let me elaborate...

The last thing I ever wanted was to move back home, I mean, think about it. I had 3 years of total independance, great friends and a realitively busy life; I loved it. Then I came home to people I didnt really know because of years of seperation, no independance and a social life that amounted to trips to town to do errands for my mom; yippee.

I don't have bills to pay and my mom and I have become really close. My mom has always been an incredible homemaker. she's not very affectionate; in fact, because I am too affectionate, I often have to beg her for any kind of physical affection, but when it comes to cooking for you and making sure you have everything you need, she often goes overboard. She loves like a man; she won't tell you that she loves you or give you hugs and kisses for no reason, but you will always have seconds when she cooks and you'll never want for anything.

Every time mom shows her love, I'm reminded of a much younger version of myself. When I was a kid, I would never go to a place I didnt know without my mom. not because I was a mommy's girl but because when she was there, i knew that everything was going to be alright. I would never get lost (although she did actually lose me twice!), nor would I be hungry or cold if she was there.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I am half the woman and mother my mom is, I will know that I have arrived.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Ramblings Of A Googirl

When I first started this blog, I was my only follower ( I know, who does that? Don't worry, I removed myself though,hehe!). Every time someone new started following me, I would get as excited as the day I got my driver's license (i.e over-the-moon excited!). But then I hit 7 followers and not only were the numbers at a standstill, but even those few followers never commented on anything I wrote which got the notion in my head that I was talking to myself!

At first this made me think to myself, " Myself, You are such a lonely loser!". But after a while I sort of grew accustomed to that feeling you get when you are talking to a lot of people who are just not listening to you.Until one day, a friend left a message on my facebook wall saying how much she enjoyed my blog and how deep my thoughts are (my thoughts are deep? wowza!)but she was not an official follower and I realised; " holy crap,people are listening! I'm not actually talking to just myself! Now I must actually pay attention to what I write about!"

Since the message on my wall, it's been like all my friends who are my closet readers (that's what I'm going to call all you secret readers!) have started coming out of the closet as it were, which has made me more and more aware of the virtual eyes that are probably on me, YIKES, I'm in trouble!

Thanks to this new revelation, I have 2 pieces of writing sitting in my drafts folder that I'm too shy to post because they sound lame to me now that I know that people are going to read them! *sigh* Will I ever get past my petty insecurities? time will tell I guess...

Love God - Part 2

In what is so often a petty attempt at loving God, I have learned one thing.Contrary to popular belief, saved people are no panzies! Being a child of God is really, really hard.

I think that it takes so much courage and strength to be able to say to yourself, "Yourself, I want to stand blameless before God and because of that I will not take part in certain things." We live in a society that encourages experimentation and doing whatever feels good at that moment and we forget that Christianity is in the business of pleasing God and not self.

More often than not, I find that doing the right thing or the God thing is much more painful than doing the wrong. I don't know about you,but once I've chosen the right thing over the wrong, there isn't a wave of relief that washes over me. I know that what I've done is right but I wonder about the wrong too...... the spirit is willing but the flesh is indeed weak.

That's why I'm grateful for my salvation. In the midst of feeling guilty for desiring the wrong, I realise that I have done the right and God sees that. You see, when he works in us it is a process. He is still going to get to my inside if only I am willing

So here's to all God's children. You are stronger than the world or even you give yourself credit for. Take a moment to think about that before you guiltily flog yourself for sins that Jesus already died for. Get up, Dust yourself off and keep moving!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Love God

I've really enjoyed the last 2 weeks of my life. I've spent most of it with friends, which always adds some colour to my world. Even more than that, these friends have really made me look at some spiritual truths in a different light. It's really refreshing because alot of truths have been growing mould in my head and heart lately.

This particular truth was in reference to girls and their constant need for affirmation. Girls (and especially those who, like myself, have daddy issues) tend to look for love and acceptance in all the wrong places; including men whose only desire is often to satisfy themselves. I have found that it is in your best interest to look to yourself for this affirmation and not to people because they have their own junk to deal with. "Love yourself", I always say because how do you expect other people to enjoy being around you when you don't even enjoy being around yourself?

While I think that this is sound advice to give to young girls, my friend said something that surpassed it by far; Love God.Loving God means putting all else aside and focusing on Him. Once the focus is trully on Him, nothing else matters; nothing else is important except for being in his presence and pleasing Him.When my friend said this, I thought to myself, "Myself,what this guy is saying is as profound as if I'm hearing it for the first time ever!How refreshing!"

May you learn to love God above all else. May your focus be completely on him and on nothing and no one else. May you know the most complete acceptance, the affirmation that comes from knowing Christ and may you know that once we find this, everything else will just fall into place.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Liar Liar

I have come to learn that one of my most outstanding or distinct character traits is my inability to keep quiet. My friend describes it as being unable to hide my heart. Whether happy or sad, I can't keep my feelings to myself. If I don't voice them, they fester in me and I become bitter. That is why I find it difficult to relate to people who lie.

Last night, a few of my friends took me out for dinner and drinks for my birthday. While chatting to someone I had recently had an 'encounter' with, I discoverd yet another lie that he had told me and I remember thinking to myself, " Myself, what was this guy hoping to acommplish by lying to you?" I really don't understand it. The way I see it, there is so much clarity when it comes to telling the the truth. I don't believe that being evasive with someone hurts them less than telling them the truth. Granted the truth may not always be what you want to hear, but at the end of the day, you know exactly where you stand with someone once the truth has been told.

I really like the idea of being transparent. I like it when people around me know me well enough to know what I will and will not tolerate. Most of all, I enjoy the freedom that comes with being an open person. I call it freedom because, I am not constantlytrying to hide things from people.I'm not looking over my shoulder, hoping that I haven't been caught doing something people didn't think I did. My life and my heart are open books.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

The Final Countdown!

You know those losers that count down the days before their birthdays? Well, I am one of them! From around March already, I start calculating how many weeks I have to wait until my birthday so if I am so excited at that time already, you can just imagine how bad I am when it's down to 5 days right?

I don't know what it is about my bday, I think it's because when i was growing up, my mom had this work friend who would make a huge fuss over it. Every year I knew that she would come over on my birthday with a cake on the one hand and a gift on the other; she was the best!

I think it's still the same now; I countdown to the one day in the year where people shower you with love and attention and only know the good things about you. On your birthday, you are never too bossy, or loud or annoying. People flock to be at your side if only for that one day! It's not that I am attention deprived or anything, its just that so often we look right past each. We forget to appreciate the people we have in our lives and even worse we forget to tell each other how much we appreciate each other, but on your bday, there can never be too much acts to show appreciation!

May you show your appreciation for your loved ones everyday and not just birthdays. may you realise how blessed you are to have the people you do in your llife

Friday, May 28, 2010

Ode to Friends

Once a month, I hijack my collegue's montly issue of "Women's Health" ( I know, I'm such a cheap skate right?). I always learn something new about maintaining a healthy lifestyle when I browse through that magazine; I should really consider buying it for myself.....

Anyway! that was the backdrop not the point!. In in this month's issue of "Women's Health", I learned that to better control my eating lifestyle, I must keep a diary record of all the food that I eat on a daily basis. So feeling very motivated, I shared this new found knowledge with Dolly, the other PA at work and a very good friend of mine- you know those people that you just click with the minute you meet? well that's Dolly- and she was not impressed! Nevertheless, because she loves me so much, she humoured my new craze. Now, instead of eating one whole chocolate each for example, Dolly will buy one and force us to share it.

I figure, that this is what friendship is all about. It's sharing each others burdens no matter how meagre. True friends are the people that laugh and cry with you. They go on crazy adventures with you even while they question your sanity! True friends will stick with not matter what the pickle. Thank you, my friends, you colour my world with your presence!

Monday, May 17, 2010


A few days ago, my cousin came home from watching a soccer game at a friend's house, casually told his youngest brother to look after his son then walked into his room and put a bullet in his head. No one saw it coming; there were no warning bells in his behaviour or his life. He just shot himself, seemingly out of the blue.

The tragic news got me thinking about the concept of hope. It saddens me to think that so many people out there don't have it.They have families and all the material things money can buy yet they look at their lives and see emptiness; a black abyss. They have nothing to hope for.

I count it a privillege that I have Jesus who will always be there, even if my family disowns me and I lose all my riches. I'm humbled by the knowledge that I need not carry my burdens on my own. Jesus doesn't share them with us, instead he takes them upon himself even though we are so often directly responsible for them.

May you know the peace of Christ today. May you know that there is no situation too desperate or too hopeless that He cannot deliver you from it. May you know that to come to your rescue, he would cross mountains, part seas. For you, he would walk through fire; He would suffer through cruel beatings and rejection.May you know that He has done all of this already and he would do it all again. For you.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Ode to Shoes

While some people use make up, fancy dresses or funky head gear to express themselves, I choose shoes. This is probably because shoes will always fit! I never have to go on some crazy diet to ensure that they look good on me; it's absolutely awesome!

Once I put on my apple green peep-toe wedges, I become the sexiest woman alive. I feel invincible, nobody can get me down and the world is my oyster.I could be wearing a black garbage bag, with hair so dirty, it sticks together; but in my shoes I am a Nubian Queen!

Here's to my beautiful shoes; they help me be the best any thing I can be!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


"Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering.” St. Augustine

I'm learning lately that we sell ourselves short. I mean think about it; Jesus died on the cross for our sins right? Which, to me, means that despite our contemptible behaiviour, he looked upon us with gentleness and love and willingly took up the punishment that was intended for us.Would it not then be safe to assume that there is no longer condemnation? We no longer need to punish ourselves or each other for our sins. All we need to do now is to come before him and seek forgiveness and it is ours. We need not flog ourselves because he took the flogging for us already.

This must be the freedom that the bible so often speaks about. Because of the cross, we should no longer look at ourselves through the eyes of the world, that so often critisises and shakes its head at us in displeasure, but rather through the filter of the blood of Jesus. Through this filter we are pure, we are blameless, we are his.

May we look at each other through the same filter. May we not rob ourselves or each other of the freedom that Christ so unconditionally gave. May we do away with the chains we bind ourselves and each other in and experience the freedom that comes with being a child of God.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Ode to Family

Two weeks ago, my new sister-in-law came to visit us for what we called "bonding time". The main objectives were to get to know her and to have her get to know us and also to get the traditional stuff underway. Ok, let me elaborate on the traditional stuff.

In our culture, when a girl marries into a family there are specific.... procedures that need to be done. First of all, the makoti (bride) is officially dressed by her sister-in-law (that's me) in an attire that sets her apart as the new bride.Her sister-in-law also gets to name the new makoti, because when she marries into a family she not only becomes part of them but she also brings certain qualities that will add onto the dynamics of the family. In giving her a name you are expressing the significance of having her as an addition to the family; you are speaking into the new life that lies ahead with this new family.

So I had the privellege as the eldest daughter at home of dressing our new makoti and giving her a name (mind you, my mom gave me a name to give to her and only told me afterwards that it was my job to come up with a name. thanks mom!). I also had to officially introduce her to the family by her new name - don't worry, it's all symbolic! no changes are made on birth certificates or anything!. I (or my mom) named her Siyasanda, which means we are multiplying; get it? Her joining the family means that our family will multiply from here on out. She is also a symbol of our unity as a family (and with that my eyes fill with tears of pride, lol)

When I look back on the 2 weeks that Siya was with us, I realise how blessed I am to have my family. I realise how proud I am to know that my identity is in these people with their unbelievable strength and colourful characters. I am privelleged beyond words to share my roots with them all. There is really nothing better than family!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Understanding Mister God

I've always been a restless person. While other people would find my life relatively satisfactory I will find something I'm not happy with in my life, blow it a little out of proportion and vuwala; I have myself a hopelessly empty life. It's a bad habit; something that I do subconsciously, something that I need to stop.

Lately my restlessness has been in God. Now, God being the center of my existance means that when I am unhappy with Him, my very core is shaken. A girlfriend and I were chatting the other day, her words to me still ring in my ears; " I don't understand God", she says in defeat.What plagues me about what my friend said is that in her frustration with God, she has walked away from Him; given up on Him. That for me is so sad because, while there is still so much I can't grasp about God, the very little that I do know is so phenominal, so outrageous that i can't bring myself to walk away.

Don't get me wrong, I'd be lying if I said I've never walked away before, but there is one thing I have learned. When you are in the blackest abyss, there is very little anyone can tell you that will help you see the light and that footprints-in-the-sand poem starts to look like something to start a small fire with.

What has often gotten me through these times is clinging to that which I already know about God because when you are that down and out, trying to understand God gets very frustrating. It's just a matter of saying, " I don't understand what you are doing, but I do know that you are sovereign and you are bigger than this." Try that and see if you won't experience His peace even when there seems to be nothing to feel peaceful about.

So next time (there will be a next time!) you want to throw in the towel on God, ask yourself this, " What is it that I do know about God?" and cling to that with everything that is in you.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Stop This Train

Am I like the only woman blogger in the world that has put her age up on her profile? I suspect that I am.

As you know, I love reading other people's blogs and taking a walk in their shoes if only for 5 minutes. Whenever I'm bored here at work, I spend some time on the next blog link just reading other people's blogs and if I find one worth following, I add it to my reading list. During these escapades that have so often proved amusing, I find that women will share pretty much everything about themselves from how many kids they have, to their deepest most intimate secrets,but their ages? There's no way you'll get that out of them. I usually try and estimate, based on what they talk about, but in all honesty I'm not much of a guesser ( you don't wanna play pictionary with me!)so I doubt I've guessed right.

So, let me ask you ladies; what is it about your age that freaks you out so much? For me, it's the thought that I'll be 25 soon and I've accomplished very little. I look around at girls, I mean, women my age and I see engagement and wedding rings, baby rattles and business plans and I think to myself, "Myself, you are lagging far behind." It feels as though I'm running out of time and life is passing me by. I have a better understanding now of how the fat kid picked last in P.T class felt; like a complete loser!

But that's the negative way of looking at it right? I mean, I'm 25 years old, I have no children, I am single which means I have no responsibilities and I'm not tied down. Those gir- women, I meant women see my side as greener than theirs- oh the irony! So, I'm just gonna sit back, relax and try to enjoy, because before I know it, my time will come and I'll be looking back nostalgically and I don't want to wish that I'd done more with all this freedom.

John Mayer says in one of his songs "don't stop this train, don't, for a minute change the place you're in", and with that ladies I wanna say this. We are all of us lucky to be married, to be engaged, to have children, to be single, to be students, to be young and to be old. May we embrace where we are in life while we look forward to the what awaits us ahead and may we look back without regret for the things we were too scared to do.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010


I've spent the greater part of today racking my brain for something to say on buzz and to all 9 of my avid readers ( you are avid readers right?), but alas, I've come up empty. Could it be that I'm all thought out? lol no way, this is me we're talking about, the world's biggest over-thinker?( how fitting is my picture right now?). All I need is an opening line- or 20 attempts at a decent opener- and maybe some John Mayer to get me going and before you know it, I'll have something relatively amusing...

In all honesty, it's not the lack of something to say that has me scrambling for words. It's just that when you've chewed and chewed and chewed on a something as much as I've chewed on certain things, the last thing you want to do is open your mouth to expose the results of all that chewing (lol gross analogy right?). I don't know about you, but once I'm done chewing, I would much rather just.... swallow, accept the conclusions I've drawn and hope that I haven't eaten anything that will unsettle my stomach. At least this way,I'm the only person in danger; nobody gets grossed out by the content of my mouth!

There's a certain amount of vulnerability that comes with exposing yourself like that to people. I mean, sharing what you are thinking gives people a glimpse of who you are and how you think and feel about certain things, which is a little too much power for my liking. My phobia after revealing myself like that is the reaction I will get from my... audience; it's possible that they'll wrinkle their noses in disgust and run for the hills; the thought of that happening just cripples me. so, instead of opening my mouth at the most vulnerable times, I swallow whatever's in my mouth and let it poison my system. It just feels safer to do that than do be given the deer-in-the- headlights look.

But, I must be brave! No scars means no adventure and no great stories right?

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Fake it till you make it

I am a huge John Mayer fan!!!! ok, I don't think you understand! I loooove this guy! Not the groupie kind of love though, you know what I mean; passing out at the mere sight of a photograph of him, screaming at the thought of seeing him in the flesh kinds of love? No, that's definately not me. For me it's all about the music. Its in the way he words things so differently to any other songwriter; its amazing!

So, because I'm such a huge fan,I very eagerly follow his blog. The other day, I read a piece he wrote called "Depends On Who You Ask"; totally insightful. The man seems like a nice guy to meet and intellectual enough to have those diffcult conversations with, you know, about religion, politics and so on; its quiet refreshing. I had one of those-celebrities-are-people-too moments when I was done reading it!

But during this moment the skepitic in me jumped in and played devil's advocate. Is it possible for people in the public eye to be that genuine, down-to-earth and... well, normal? Is it possible that John Mayer is...... faking it.... *Gasp*! My friend pointed out to me that which I myself did not consider; that it is possible for celebrities to hire people to write all that stuff, this is hollywood
we are talking about after all so i guess its possible!

The thing is, virtual reality has made it so easy for us to be...whoever. I can photoshop my profile picture and BAM!!! I'm hotter than Halle Berry on Oscar night and with a little help from my favorite TV programmes, I can be the funniest most interesting person you've ever met, but am I me? Are the virtual connections that I make then in any way meaningful or real(what a pradox considering the virtual is not tangible!)? Is it possible to have meaningful connections in the virtual world?(lol, that's another can of worms)

May you come to the realisation that the real you is the best person you will ever be. May you not live your life to be what is acceptable to society but what is acceptable to you and your Maker. May you stand with your chest pushed out, unashamed at who you are and may you not deprive the world of the awesome person God made you to be!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Ode to Bravehearts

There's nothing more intimidating than a blank page! It feels like I'm trying to write something on a space that is already written on; it is already spoken for, and what I have to say suddenly becomes irrelevant. It's as if my words need approval from some higher....something or have to meet some kind of standard set by some higher.... someone. I type out the opening line, read it and realise; "What a stupid thing to say out loud!", then I hastily push the backspace button sheepishly hoping that no one saw what I wrote which, of course, does nothing to ease my embarrassment for writing it in the first place.

Every time I'm about to write something for this blog, I am given a taste of what it must be like for a man to step up to a ridiculously beautiful woman and I realise 2 things; how lucky I am to be a woman and how impressed we should be with courageous men. Brave men are the real thing; these are the guys with endurance and amazing strength. Theyr're the ones that jump off the edge dispite the fear in their hearts that so often paralyses. Power to you, guys. You inspire me to be brave!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Men In Trees

You know the serries don't you? Popular New York relationship coach flees to a small Alaskan town following her fiance's infidelity? It's not the best serries to ever grace our television screens, but I find it charming enough to watch it on a regular basis. It's my thursday night tv ritual, you see.

So in last night's episodes (they run 2 ever thursday night), Marin (the protaganist)got her heart broken. Although I have never been one to allow myself to be reduced to tears because of a chick flick, much less a chick serries, this episode tugged at a string. Marin took a risk. After her fiance cheated on her, it took some doing for her to find her feet, to be comfortable with the prospect of being single (which seems to be an uphill battle for most women these days- i don't know why!)and she finally takes a chance on this guy, and BAM!! As the gods of fiction would have it, his ex-girlfriend comes back to town and what does he do? he chooses her over our Marin! Outrageous!

so, why did I cry, you may be wondering, because let's face it, this isn't the most suprising plot ever created right? Coincidently, just yesterday afternoon, I was chatting with a girlfriend about rejection- I pointed out that rejection is hard to swallow, because it's the realisation of your worst fears. Marin spent all that time on herself, finding her inner independant woman, just to have that Charlie's angel turned down cold. Eish! I guess you can say that I was crushed for her on the one hand, but on the other, I was was crushed for myself (past experience- long story). I've always been an independent , borderline feminist woman, and for a moment, while watching Marin get crushed, I was in her shoes, having my worst fear realised- that perhaps I'm too independent, too vocal- too much.

But as much as this is a fear, I rebel against it! Who was Marin trying to better herself for(who am I bettering myself for?)?I trust that it was not for her next relationship. I'd like to think that she was merely rolling with the punches, adjusting to her current situation- celibacy. I hope that she was doing it for herself and not for the acceptance of people, because if the latter is the case, I am wasting my thursday night on a very sad serries and there is too much real sadness happening in life for me to waste my tears on fiction.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

They don't make them like they used to

If I were a white person, I would be a readhead, if I were food, I would be very hot curry (and I'm not just saying that because i had curry the other night!) and if i were an element,it would definately be fire. Ok, hear me out, i'm not just being vain here!

I have an opinion about pretty much everything that's out there. Most (or worst?) of all, I have no problem expressing it; I've never been any good at anything to do with silence, you see( though I've gotten better with age!). I'm learning every day that being vocal and having a pet peeve for arrogance are 2 of theee worst atributes to combine in one person (Exhibit A: yours trully); it makes for constantly... overheated conversations.

Now, having observed this about myself, I find that I am constantly in the presence of arrogant men. I'm talking about Christian men; men who expect to be put on some kind of pedistal because they are men; men who make it a point to correct you whenever you do something they believe is not conducive to what a Proverbs 31 woman should be (which, in my case, is everything I do!). I sound like a feminst, I know, but the thing is,I was raised by a woman. Though my mom is not a feminist, everything she and her children are today is as a result of her hard work and with no thanks whatsoever to any man, so it is no surprise that I was raised to go for what I want and not to expect it to be given to me by anyone (much less a man). I was raised to give a man (and anyone else for that matter) the respect that is due to him ( e.g men who are older than me and men who are in authority over me), but to never allow myself to be bullied by them.

Before you think this is some kind of male hate speech, let me say it like this. Your sex, gentlemen, is not something that is to be enforced on women. Men were created to provide for and protect their women and children and the reason why there are so many angry, rebelious, feminist women out there is because of your failure to be the men God created you to be. Yes, as a woman, I am to respect you and submit to you,but you in turn are to love,honour and protect me, not self- righteously point out all my faults in an arrogant attempt to shove me in your idea of the right direction.

Man of God, put your ego aside for just one day and treat a woman with gentleness and respect and see if you won't find that all the qualities of that Proverbs 31 woman you are so desperate for, will magically appear.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

He Believes In You

So, the other day at young adult's we watched one of Rob Bell's DVD's; you know, those nooma short films they do? (how cool are they?!!)

Anyway, we watched the 8th one called Dust. for the rest of the group it was their 1st viewing of any of this guy's stuff,but for me, it was about the millionth time i'd seen this specific one,never mind the the other DVD's.

what i'm observing and enjoying about Rob Bell is the way he touches on many aspects of a topic. He leaves you with so many detours to explore even though his destination is completely different to where those detours lead; so every time I've seen Dust, Ive come away with something different.

This time, I was amazed at the concept of God believing in us. You see the mistake I often make in my way of thought is that God is ready and waiting with a red pen, just itching to put a big cross on whatever I've done wrong at the time. God has become that guy that's always critisising the things that I do. What a blatant lie i have been believing!

Just as Christ believed in 12 wet-behind-the-ears laymen to take the gospel to all the world, he believes in me for great things too. He knew all the mistakes I would make before the universe came into existence, yet He created the world, came and died for it, then to top it all off, allowed me to exist despite the msitakes I would make. How can I now not believe that he believes in me? How can I possibly think that he doesn't have something amazing planned for me and that He actually believes I can achieve it(not hopes or wishes, but actually believes it)?

i don't know about you, but this has got me wondering if I really fathom this God of mine or if I've just been scraping away at the tip of the tip of the iceberg all this time.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Ode to Chocolate

I don't care what people say, chocolate fixes everything! The other day, I was having an awful day... work was sucking and I didn't wanna go home coz it reminded me of how much the rest of my life was sucking; then I ate chocolate that someone bought me and wala, all my troubles were swallowed up by the rich, sweet goo that was oozing down my throat! Even better was that when the chocolate was finished and the after taste was gone, the feeling of freedom from all my woes stayed on and the rest of my day was fabulous! It happened exactly as Barney often says; I just stopped having a sucky day and had an awesome one instead, all because of chocolate - true story!

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Man in the Arena

I discovered this the other day and loved it! It’s from a speech by Roosevelt called "The Man in the Arena" check it out:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
So what can one possibly add to that? Here is a measly attempt at unpacking deeper meaning: For me, the man in the arena is a gladiator because let’s face it, Russell Crowe made the gladiator the hottest hero ever! After reading this extract I thought to myself, I have two options here; I can sit on the sideline and watch life happen. I can turn away in fear as I see people collide with each other and make a mess of each other’s lives, I can wince in pain as I see the wounds they cause each other and vow never to make the same mistakes. On the other hand, I can join in with the game; I can face, though in fear and uncertainty, the starved lion pouncing for my neck. I can scream in pain as a sword pierces my very muscular bicep and I can stand victorious with the people I stood alongside in this battle called life( that was cheesy!), because that is the beauty of living. Without battle wounds, we have no stories to tell. Without failed attempts, we have no way of knowing our true potential. Without all these experiences, good or bad, well- life is no fun!
May you dare greatly; may you live your life to the fullest and may you have battle scars that tell of great adventures!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Just another morning in Umtata

Every single day I spend in this, my home town, i find something new to... like (?) about Umtata.

Like the other day for example; i got kicked out of a taxi at 7:45am! You heard me, kicked out of a taxi at peek hour traffic in Umtata!!(after i paid the taxi fare, just by the way). In my defense, i was, how do you say?... unfairly dismissed and the taxi driver was unfairly treated. In his shoes, I would have probably done the same thing and then some!

who was to blame then, you may ask. Well, let me just first say that owning a vehicle does not mean that you know everything there is to know about taxi drivers and their driving habits. In fact, i would go as far as to say that you don't know anything about taxi drivers because you own a vehicle.

Ever wondered why taxi drivers are such terrible drivers? because they have 14 back seat drivers very "knowingly" guiding them as to which routes to take into town, how fast to drive and of course when he may or may not change gears.

why does he stop in the middle of the highway to drop off a group of school kids? because, those kids' mother is in the taxi throwing snide comments at the inconvieniance of pulling over at a safe place because it's not as close to the school as right there in the middle of the highway!

well, the taxi driver in question must have gotten sick of these comments. After being chirped for his "incompitent" driving and terrible condition of his taxi, this frankly patient gentleman took us over the white Umtata bridge, up Madira road and over Sutherland Street before very calmly pulling over and telling u that this was as far as he was wiling to take us. To my suprise, no one said a word as they got out of the taxi and went about their day. It could have been because he driver looked ready to pull out his gun and shoot every one of us if we gave him any nonsense; that is if he had a gun.

needless to say, i am sure that those passenger pretty much spoiled that guy's day and i doubt he will ever come back to North Crest again. Ever