Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Life To The Full

In my English classes these days we talk about the concept of sugarcoating. We have concluded that it means to make things appear better than what they actually are. It is like painting varnish paint over chipped nailpolish.

So I suppose it's only natural that this is on my mind in the wee hours of this morning. What is the truth? I wonder why I am still on this. It could be denial, because if I accept that things are really as they seem, then I am left with nothing but myself. But myself is not nothing. I have the heart of a lion. I have faced some excruciating pain and still stand to tell the tale. I have healed somewhat, although it comes pouring back sometimes and I feel like I am back at the very beginning.

The truth is that my heart is receptive. I am not the same as I used to be. I am changed - for the better. I am stronger and braver and more beautiful. I know all of the truth and it no longer feels like I am being gutted. The truth is I should be proud of how far I have come and I look forward to what lays ahead, because I am wiser now.

The truth is that things are exactly as they seem amd exactly as they should be and that is ok. There is no sugarcoating. It's not just all the good and whimsical but the bad and the ugly as well. This is Life to the full that shapes us.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

I'm a woman

I was on the phone with my brother a few months ago and he asked me where I was. When I told him that I was home he asked if I was at my home or ours. That's when it hit me. I have my own home. I am a grown up. I'm not a girl, but unlike Britney, I am a woman.

"I'm a girl!" I said to a close friend. "You're not,  though," he said in response, "You're a woman. Has it ever occured to you that you calling yourself a girl has hindered you from getting some of the things you you want?" It never had occured to me actually. I see myself as a girl and not a woman and so that is the personna I embody and therefore my perceptions and thoughts are that of a girl....

"Start calling yourself a woman," he suggested,  "and see how the way you see the world will change and how the embodiment of yourself will change too." So unlike Alicia, there is no longer a girl here. It is , from now on, this WOMAN that is on fire.

Monday, January 14, 2013

The Art of Losing is not Hard to Master

I've heard it said that it's hard to know when to let go and when to fight. How do you know when you're holding on to a lost cause?

I have a friend who is getting married soon. We've been friends for about 8 years now. In hindsight I realise that I never really fitted into her world. The only way it worked was through me  politely showing up. over the past 2 years it has becone increasingly difficult to maintane my 'table mannners' because I came to realise that my feelings were not really considered. I realised that we are, in actual fact not friends at all.

And so with that I let it and all other similar friendships go because such is life. It is not only through death that people leave our lives, but through life also. Whether we grow or stay the same, some people just don't stick around for the whole process...