Be Selfish With Your Happiness

I read this on a friend of mine's tatoo. It was one of those "of course" moments when something seems so obvious. Little did I know...

This morning, I find myself with a dilemma. I have to make a decision that's going to directly affect me and what is my first instinct? To ask what I should do. What the hell for when this is my happiness on the line? Why do I need someone else's permission to be happy or unhappy? Why do I give people that kind of power over me?

So here is the resolution. I'm not going to wait for someone else to make me happy. I will make the decision that is best for me and I won't wait for them... Resolved.

Home sweet home

I've become a visitor at my home. I'm very aware of how different my mother's how is. Less spacious than mine even though it's actually bigger -there's just more walls.

But this is all part of growing up..

Marching On

You know what, as much as this experience has hurt me and changed me, I'm still the same girl. I still have so much to be proud of. I loved another with my whole heart and had that love returned - something I've always dreamed of and desired.How many people can say that,really?
In many ways, my dream came true...

Pain

Why do the right decisions hurt so badly? I mean if this is the right thing,surely I would feel some element of relief that it's over and  that I can move on...

And why does it feel like I'm moving on to nothing? This isn't right. None of it is, but all I can do is try to heal somehow.

I don't know what the future holds. I don't think I want to know....

Love

I've been wracking my brain for months now. I've been suspecting that the love that I have is selfish. I've been loving because I was loved first. That's selfish, because what  happens when you are not loved anymore?

So I've been doing the noble thing;finding reasons that had nothing to do with me - "because you're sweet and funny"- that kind of thing.

But then it hit me. He accepts me for  who I am,not the person he wants me to be. In fact, he wants me to be the person that I already am. How amazing a person is that?!

Without a Trace

“Hold on honey.
We've got forever to taste.
Speed up sugar.
Don't forget our friend Fate
It could disappear without a trace.” - The Parlotones

Any human relationship is fluid – no, fragile, almost brittle - because it deals with human beings
and human beings are somewhat unpredictable. When you find yourself in something that beautiful,
your heart is in constant turmoil. There are parts of you that want to take in all the beauty – but
essentially you are just sucking the life out of this beautiful thing. After a while that beauty is no
longer. So we try to savor it- make it last longer - but there is the danger of deterioration and that
beauty collecting dust and coming to an eventual end. And so we sit on this sea-saw hoping that
rushing things won't ruin it and savoring it won't spoil its sweetness...

It helps to remember that you are not alone in it though. The turmoil is not yours alone, but there is
another heart involved and somehow between the two, a sort of equilibrium is reached – hopefully...

Just Keep Swimming

Excellence is the gradual result of always striving to do better - so says Pat Riley.

I don't like struggling. To me it is the same as failure because you are not succeeding; you are still trying to. but in this constant strife, you find yourself getting better without even realising it... That's been my experience lately. I feel more equipped for so many things since last year and the only way that Happened was through struggling and getting frustrated at my weaknesses.

These are the things that make us better.... So I guess the only way to get even better than I am now is to continue to struggling as I am now. It is, after all for my own good...