Life To The Full

In my English classes these days we talk about the concept of sugarcoating. We have concluded that it means to make things appear better than what they actually are. It is like painting varnish paint over chipped nailpolish.

So I suppose it's only natural that this is on my mind in the wee hours of this morning. What is the truth? I wonder why I am still on this. It could be denial, because if I accept that things are really as they seem, then I am left with nothing but myself. But myself is not nothing. I have the heart of a lion. I have faced some excruciating pain and still stand to tell the tale. I have healed somewhat, although it comes pouring back sometimes and I feel like I am back at the very beginning.

The truth is that my heart is receptive. I am not the same as I used to be. I am changed - for the better. I am stronger and braver and more beautiful. I know all of the truth and it no longer feels like I am being gutted. The truth is I should be proud of how far I have come and I look forward to what lays ahead, because I am wiser now.

The truth is that things are exactly as they seem amd exactly as they should be and that is ok. There is no sugarcoating. It's not just all the good and whimsical but the bad and the ugly as well. This is Life to the full that shapes us.

I'm a woman

I was on the phone with my brother a few months ago and he asked me where I was. When I told him that I was home he asked if I was at my home or ours. That's when it hit me. I have my own home. I am a grown up. I'm not a girl, but unlike Britney, I am a woman.

"I'm a girl!" I said to a close friend. "You're not,  though," he said in response, "You're a woman. Has it ever occured to you that you calling yourself a girl has hindered you from getting some of the things you you want?" It never had occured to me actually. I see myself as a girl and not a woman and so that is the personna I embody and therefore my perceptions and thoughts are that of a girl....

"Start calling yourself a woman," he suggested,  "and see how the way you see the world will change and how the embodiment of yourself will change too." So unlike Alicia, there is no longer a girl here. It is , from now on, this WOMAN that is on fire.

The Art of Losing is not Hard to Master

I've heard it said that it's hard to know when to let go and when to fight. How do you know when you're holding on to a lost cause?

I have a friend who is getting married soon. We've been friends for about 8 years now. In hindsight I realise that I never really fitted into her world. The only way it worked was through me  politely showing up. over the past 2 years it has becone increasingly difficult to maintane my 'table mannners' because I came to realise that my feelings were not really considered. I realised that we are, in actual fact not friends at all.

And so with that I let it and all other similar friendships go because such is life. It is not only through death that people leave our lives, but through life also. Whether we grow or stay the same, some people just don't stick around for the whole process...

Here's to the Parking Lot Pies

Well this past weekend was certainly not planned, but in many ways it was perfect.

By this time of the year, I'm usually home for the holidays with my family but because of family I had to wait and in the end, plans failed and I had to find my own way home. I ran the risk of a weekend spent idling. Fate would not have that!

Friday night was spent watching one of my favorite bands play. We received VIP treatment from the friendly and somewhat suspect drummer who bought us our first round of drinks, engaged us in amusing conversation and dragged us to the band's corner where we danced to some funky beats while eagerly awaiting The Fridge's performance.  When they finally came on, I was so close to the lead singer, I could carefully analyse the beads of sweat pouring down his face and breathe in what he breathed out. If you are afraid of small spaces, this little bar in the heart of Joburg's CBD is not for you!

Saturday, thanks to my bonus coming in, was spent in a shopping mall full of christmas shoppers - my least favorite pass time. Due to several oversights, we ended up in the mall parking lot gobbling down pies and waiting for the summer storm to die down so we could drive home without getting soaked. While the girls made dinner, the boys tackled the bits of wood they sell you under the guise of a TV stand. I don't know how we ate our dinner, we were so bushed.

Sunday was church, which was followed by a surprise lunch with a friend. We went to the same shopping mall as the one our pastor and pretty much the whole church just happened to go to after the service. Need I elaborate on the curious looks we got from them as they passed us by while we innocently dined together? We  have a bit of a cupid in all of us!

Today was a public holiday and in the name of December, we got in the car and drove to Pretoria where we briefly reminisced about varsity days gone by and for some quality time with friends and family. Nothing wild but a day well spent!

This weekend has taught me two things; a) I NEED a car! b) Spontineity is the key to a time well spent! It's often best to throw caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may. This is how great stories come about.

Perri-Perri

I am a music fanatic! But I've never had the ability to produce heartbreakingly beautiful music despite my love for the art. Every once in a while I stumble upon someone who blows me away musically. Today it happens to be Christina Perri.

I first heard of her on "So You Think You Can Dance" where they used her song "Jar of Hearts" then she blew me away again when I watched The Twilight Saga and "A Thousand years" came into my life. What beauty! I cried. Because of the melody, because of the lyrics. It all came pouring over me and I was overwhelmed. I have  visions of myself walking down the aisle with this song....
 
I've always admired people who've had the ability to make time stand still with their music. Those songs that can make you feel indescribable pain and overwhelming joy all at once. The kind of song that leaves you speechless.... This song is the one....

Check out Christina Perri on her website http://www.christinaperri.com or follow her on twitter @christinaperri

Affordability

We all need that one person in our lives who sometimes drops knowledge so big that you have no choice but to re - evaluate your life or even change it completely. I have one of those and here's some knowledge he dropped...

The relationships that are best for us are the ones where we only give things we can afford to lose. If you can afford to lose that thing be it your point of view or your time, there is no fear of losing that person and ultimately you will not lose them from your life as a result of trying to hold on so tightly to them.

The people we struggle to let go of are those who have our most treasured possessions. Our pride, our respect, our confidence or our hearts. If they leave with that, we are left depleted and so we hold on to them for dear life.

He is my surrogate. We need each other because life has disillusioned us yet we still stand and believe in love. It's a relief to know this, but it makes me want to hold on to him. but holding on is how we lose people because that clasp often turns into a cage in which we trap those we love.

You wanna hold on to someone? Then let them go. Don't smother them. They will run. Give them only what you can afford to lose and they will stay...

Starting Over

Hi, I'm Nolo. I am a 27 year old black woman who teaches English in high school. I enjoy music, talking and sharing my life with people. I give way too much of myself which is something I've always liked about myself.... I've seen and done  many things in my life, all of which have changed me dramatically. This is an attempt at starting over.

I sometimes wish that I could go back in time and do things differently, but this is unrealistic. There is no going back. Yearning for the past is futile. Life moves forward and the only good looking back brings is to equipp you for a better tomorrow.

A better tomorrow. What does that even mean? For me, tomorrow is better because I am wiser than I was yesterday. My blunders teach me how to do it better next time; it makes me stronger. Starting over therefore does not mean forgetting yesterday or trying to be who I was back then, but recognising and accepting the differences yesterday brought and continuing to move.

And so here I am; starting over. Starting from scratch. Rebuilding on a foundation that I hope is wisdom. Hoping for a house that is better than the one I was in before.